


Nobody Else Can Take Me Higher

by sperrywink



Series: DIY [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, NCIS, The Losers (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crossover, Fluff, Low Conflict, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 12:06:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2269086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sperrywink/pseuds/sperrywink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Max wasn’t feinting them out, and Roque didn’t betray them? What if the Port of L.A. did have a server with all the details to clear their names, and the Losers’ attack worked? Aisha was still right, they couldn’t be soldiers again.</p><p>Cougar and Jensen finding the lives they want afterwards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nobody Else Can Take Me Higher

The fallout from the Losers exposing Max were huge and wide-ranging. Politicians and governments fell, while widespread riots, and calls for resignations continued even months later. The Losers split up after Jensen put everything in motion just in case they became targets. They didn’t want to make it easy for anyone to take them out. After it became clear that this was bigger than them, and that the people who would be gunning for them had bigger problems, they relaxed. 

Pooch was in Springfield with Jolene and the baby, Jensen was in New Hampshire with his sister and niece, Clay was raising hell in D.C. with Aisha, while Roque was in Atlanta, catching up with his extended family. Cougar also headed home, for him this was New Mexico. He felt he owed it to his family, but after he got there he didn’t know if it was the right decision. There was too much distance between who he used to be and who he was now.

Entering the kitchen, he ran into his mama. After she greeted him, and he just nodded back, she asked, “Why don’t you talk anymore? I miss the sound of your voice, Carlos.”

“I have nothing to say, mama,” Cougar said for what felt like the fifth time that week. It was hard trying to find a place when everyone expected Cougar to be someone different, someone more like he used to be. He didn’t know how to explain that that boy was long gone, beaten down in Afghanistan and Bolivia, until all that was left was the soldier. He wanted to change, wanted to be innocent and carefree again, but he knew it was impossible.

He could barely comprehend the naiveté of that boy he used to be, who had studied literature, and who had fallen in love with fresh-faced coeds frequently. He had been so blind to the real world, if not fully to the darkness inside himself. 

“I’m sure that’s not true. You have traveled far.”

A bit sharper than he meant to, Cougar replied, “Nothing nice to say, then.”

His mama tsked at him as she continued stirring the chili on the stove, but at least she lay off him for a second. Cougar got the bottle of water he had originally come into the kitchen to get, and made his escape. Unfortunately this led him directly into the path of his papa, who was not impressed with who he had become either. Steeling his shoulders, he prepared for another argument.

“You should indulge your mama with all she’s done for you.”

“I’m trying, but I am who I am now. I can’t go backwards.” Cougar didn’t know how to explain that he was trying, that this was the most he had talked in _years_. There was no way to explain the difference between Cougar and Carlos, and that Carlos was gone now.

With a fierce expression, his papa said, “You shouldn’t have joined the army in the first place.” This was an old argument between them, and even though he knew how it would go, Cougar still found himself getting angry. His papa had hoped for more from Carlos. He had wanted Carlos to get an education, and become a lawyer or doctor. Cougar had never wanted that for himself; could never see himself in some stuffy office, but it had taken four years of college and a degree in Latin American and Latino Studies before he could admit it, and break free of his papa’s expectations. At the time, the army had seemed like the only way out.

“You know why I left. There was nothing for me here.”

His papa, never one to admit defeat in an argument, countered with, “Even if you did not want to continue with school, you should have gotten your teacher’s certificate like José.”

“I would have hated that. I’m no teacher.”

“But this is better?”

“It’s who I am, at least.”

His papa just said, “Bah!” Throwing his hands up, he went into the kitchen, giving Cougar one last cold look. Cougar just sighed, and shook his head. He knew there was no way to win, but he still tried anyway. He didn’t even mention the master’s in criminal justice he had gotten during his downtime in the Army. That wouldn’t make his father happy either.

The only one who seemed to get him was his grandpa, who had fought in the Korean War. His grandpa had come over from Mexico with _his_ father, who had settled in New Mexico to work as a ranch hand. The Korean War happened once his grandpa turned eighteen, but he didn’t wait to be drafted, he signed up on his birthday. He never talked about what he saw or did in Korea, but Cougar could imagine. Seeing his grandpa on the porch, he joined him there with just nods between them to seal their similar sentiments.

Cougar stayed in New Mexico for three months, waiting until they were declared alive again before hitting the road with his new documentation. It was about two months longer than he could emotionally handle, particularly after the seventh surprise dinner complete with guests consisting of some innocent girl his mother was trying to fix him up with, but he gritted his teeth and sucked it up, treating it as a mission. 

His grandpa was the only one who wished Cougar well when he left. His mama cried, his papa frowned, and his sisters were conspicuously absent. Still, with harsh looks from his grandpa, no one tried to stop him. He took the bus west, not having any real direction in mind except away from New Mexico. Still, none of the Losers were in that area, and that might have been part of it. He was trying to figure out who Cougar was, if he wasn’t part of the Losers.

He wasn’t sure he was anything, which woke him sweating in the middle of the night. It was terrifying finding a place where you belonged, but then having it abruptly taken away. He knew they had made the world a better place by taking Max out, but sometimes in middle of the night moments he wondered if it was worth losing the Losers for.

Eventually he headed North and settled in San Francisco, getting work as a bartender in a club in the Tenderloin district. Nobody cared who he was or what he did, only about how he looked, and what the drinks tasted like. None of these guys came looking for more than a one night stand. He found he had more in common with these jaded souls than he had with the girls his mother tried to set him up with. He had been through too much to feel comfortable with innocence any more. 

Anyway, being anonymous suited Cougar for the moment, even if he knew it was temporary. So he found a small studio, worked in the bar, and took home a different man every night.

* * *

Cougar was still trying to wrap his head around the changes in the world when they got the summons from Congress to appear before the House Armed Services Committee. Cougar was happy that the Losers were called to appear together, not separately. Jensen could do the talking for all of them, with occasional input from Clay.

He packed up his meager belongings, quit his job, and took a flight east. Meeting up with the Losers for the first time in about six months, it felt like no time at all had passed. It felt like coming home, and something inside Cougar’s chest unclenched. For all he had been trying to find a place in his head without them, find out who he was alone, it had never worked.

The first night they hung out in the hotel bar, and told tall tales about their adventures since they had last seen each other. It was a fantastic evening, and Cougar never wanted it to end. The knot in Cougar’s chest loosened ever more with every quip from Pooch, and diatribe from Jensen. He knew who he was in relation to these guys. He knew his part, and was comfortable in it.

The next day, once the hearings were over, the Losers went back to their fancy hotel, paid for by the government. They agreed to meet for drinks down in the bar again after changing. Since Cougar got down first, he scored a corner table, and took the seat which put his back to the wall, and which had the best sightlines to the exit and the bathrooms. Clay gave him a look when he came down, but Cougar just resettled his hat, smirked, and sprawled in his seat. Clay rolled his eyes, and took the second best chair. 

Sitting in a posh hotel bar in D.C. with all the Losers was a trip. They had thankfully all changed from their suits into jeans and t-shirts, so they weren’t looking as alien as they had in the Capitol Building, but it was still out of Cougar’s comfort zone. There was a quiet murmur in the place, and they were being given covert, and not-so-covert, looks. It was obvious they didn’t fit in with the businessmen and congressional aides that haunted the place.

Jensen, of course, ended up in the worst seat with his back to the room, but he didn’t even seem to notice, too busy talking. How he could still have things to say after answering questions for eight hours, Cougar just didn’t know. But that was Jensen for you. He was back talking about his niece and her soccer league, and their chances for winning next year. It was comfortable and relaxing.

They ordered beers and shots, and Cougar settled in for a night of drinking. Maybe it would help make tomorrow bearable when they had to answer even more questions from backseat politicians who had never been in a firefight. Probably not, but it couldn’t make it worse. 

They drank until the bartender came by to announce last call. Clay pulled out a credit card, and asked for the bill. The bartender said, “It’s taken care of. Tony said to say thank you for your service.” With a final smile, and a clap to Clay’s shoulder that Clay blinked at, the bartender headed to the next table.

It was obvious that Clay felt uncomfortable owing some stranger for their drinks. Considering the fanciness of the hotel, their bill would have been hundreds of dollars. It was nothing to sneeze at, but they had no idea who this Tony was, or if he was even still in the bar.

Clay and Roque had a conversation made up entirely of eyebrow raises, and Roque must not have minded as much, because eventually Clay shrugged, and put the credit card away.

Standing up, Jensen was already talking again. “Damn, I’ve gotten the ‘thank you for your service’ thing before, but never to the tune of that much beer money.”

Cougar nodded. Truer words, man.

They stumbled back to their rooms. Clay had his own, probably shared with Aisha, although she hadn’t joined them in the bar but the others were bucking up like the old days. Cougar and Jensen were together, while Pooch and Roque shared as well. Once in the room, Cougar and Jensen stripped down to their boxers, and brushed their teeth side-by-side. It was familiar, and something in Cougar relaxed even further. His world felt right again.

Cougar had already staked out the bed closest to the door. He also had two weapons close to hand. It was habit. He didn’t think there was anyone still gunning for them, but one never could tell. Cougar crawled between the sheets, and sighed as his body relaxed into the soft comfort. Jensen took a flying leap towards his own bed, and made a big production of snuggling under the covers.

It was typical, so Cougar just rolled his eyes when Jensen caught his gaze, and nodded towards the light. Jensen grinned back, so Cougar pulled the switch, plunging the room into darkness. Things were quiet for a while, maybe even half an hour, and Cougar was just dozing off, when Jensen whispered, “Hey Cougs, you still awake?”

Cougar took a second to decide whether to answer or not, he was on the brink of sleep, but something in Jensen’s voice had him murmuring back, “Yeah.”

“I was just wondering. Do you know what you’re doing after this? I don’t mean after the hearings, but with your life? Cause I gotta be honest with you, I have no clue.”

“You will go home to your sister and niece, no?”

“I want to, hell, I would love to, but you know that saying, ‘You can’t go home again’? It’s so true, man. I’ve been up there these past months, and it’s been great seeing Jennifer and little Emily, spending time with them, but it’s like that skin doesn’t fit me anymore. Jennifer has this image of me that’s a caricature of who I am now. I know I’ve always been a talker and kind of goofy, but she seems to think that’s all I am. And it’s so far from the truth now. I just don’t know how to relate anymore.”

Cougar took a minute to reflect. Jensen _was_ talkative and goofy, but he was also a soldier and a badass. He wouldn’t be a Loser if he wasn’t; that Honduran General wasn’t a one-off. Cougar had seen him take out guys twice his size without breaking a sweat, and then fuck up their credit just for fun. He wasn’t just a geek; he had worked hard to get into special ops. He had the drive to be the best, and not just at hacking, but at everything he set his mind to. But what really struck Cougar, was that Jensen could be talking about Cougar’s own feelings about New Mexico and his family.

In the end, he just said, “I understand.”

“Yeah, yeah, I thought you might. You were always the most perceptive of us.”

Cougar didn’t correct him that it wasn’t perception or sympathy, but empathy. 

With a hesitant tone, Jensen continued, “So back to my original question. _Do_ you know what you’re doing?”

“Not going home again, either,” Cougar wryly answered.

Jensen didn’t say anything, but Cougar could feel his smile in the silence. The air in the room was anticipatory, until finally, Jensen asked, “So, you want to maybe ‘not go home again’ with me? I mean, not that I’m all that great, but I am pretty fabulous, much more entertaining than Roque at any rate, so maybe it would be better than being alone?”

Cougar thought about the future, and how clueless he felt when he contemplated it. It was like all the weight was lifted off his chest with the realization that he didn’t have to face it alone. He whispered his, “Yes,” but it still came out emphatic.

Jensen’s answering, “Thank god,” was heartfelt, and Cougar chuckled. This made Jensen laugh out loud, until they were both in stitches. It felt good to release all that tension. As they settled down, Jensen started talking about how good it was going to be, and how they were going to rock civilian life. Soon he began talking about his latest hacking project, and Cougar fell asleep to Jensen mumbling code. It was a familiar and soothing sound, and Cougar was asleep in minutes this time.

The next day was hell. Actually, the next week was hell since it seemed like the interrogation by Congress was never ending. There were also the press and protestors to avoid. It was a madhouse, and Cougar was never more glad to see the backside of a place as he was to leave the Capitol Building on the last day of hearings on Friday.

The others were flying out, so it was just Cougar and Jensen in the hotel bar that night to wrap up their week, and drink away the memories. Pooch was eager to get back to Jolene, and Clay was meeting with producers in L.A. It was weird to think that they could sell their story, but it was kind of cool too. Hopefully, it would alleviate some of Pooch’s money worries with the new baby, knowing that some solid cash was in the works, and save Jensen from illegally acquiring them all the cash they could ever want. That would not be a good start to civilian life. Roque was going with Clay to scare the Hollywood sharks into giving them the best deal.

As the next round of beers was deposited on their table by the waitress, Jensen asked, “So what’s next for us?”

Cougar shrugged, and gulped his beer. He was avoiding Jensen’s eyes, but he wouldn’t admit he had no clue what to do next. It was one thing to decide to stay together, it was another thing to have any idea of where or what to do.

Jensen understood anyway. He sighed, took a long pull of his own drink, and sprawled back in his chair. “I get you. New Hampshire has my sister and niece, but there isn’t much for someone with my skills to do there. Well, nothing legal, anyway. And I’m trying to stay on the straight and narrow now.”

Cougar tilted his bottle until it clinked against Jensen’s in a toast. It was his goal to be legal again too. Being dead and going rogue had sucked. They might be killers, but it had always been for the greater good. Still, this brought to light something Cougar had been avoiding. Jensen had skills that were marketable. Cougar had a bachelor’s degree in Latin American and Latino Studies, and amazing skills in killing people from a distance. Neither of which were in demand in civilian circles. He did have a master’s in criminal justice that he had completed while in the army, but that was his only qualification for anything.

Just then, the bartender called out, “Tony!” Cougar and Jensen both looked up to check out the guy entering. He was a tall, fit guy in an expensive overcoat with nice slacks. He had spikey, brunet hair and a big, open smile on his face. He didn’t move like a civilian, and it was obvious he was packing, but Cougar didn’t peg him as military. Still too loose for that. He was probably a cop of some sort.

As he walked up to the bar to lean on it, Tony replied, “Mike! Your finest whiskey tonight.”

Cougar caught Jensen’s eye, and Jensen mouthed, “You think?” Cougar shrugged, but then nodded. Tony was obviously a regular, and the bartender wouldn’t have mentioned Tony’s name so familiarly without knowing him well. It all pointed to this guy being their benefactor from their first night at the hotel.

Jensen flagged down their waitress. Handing over a credit card, he said, “Hey, can you spot that guy’s drink for us? Tony?”

The waitress turned towards the bar, as if to double-check Tony was there, and replied, “Sure thing, honey.” She then expertly wended her way through the tables to the bar, and leaned over by Tony, showing a lot of cleavage, and waving a hand back towards Jensen and Cougar. 

Tony looked up from her cleavage, and gave them a big smile, raising his glass in a toast.

Jensen and Cougar both nodded back. Tony was distracted by the bartender talking to him, so he turned away, and similarly they went back to Jensen talking Cougar’s ear off, and Cougar nodding in all the right places. 

Jensen was just throwing out random ideas about where they could settle, at which Cougar just nodded or shook his head. Cougar sometimes wondered how he would manage without Jensen, and knew from his time in San Francisco, that at the very least he wouldn’t do very well. They were opposites, but Jensen was his lifeline to normal things. Which was strange since Jensen was as far from normal as one could get, but he somehow made Cougar feel all right in his skin. Like his damage wasn’t as deep as he knew it was in his darker moments.

Cougar noticed movement heading towards them, so he looked up, and then nudged Jensen. Tony was coming to their table, followed by the waitress a couple steps behind. Tony still had a megawatt smile, and he started talking once Jensen turned to face him. “Hey! I thought I would return the favor, and come over to say hello.”

Jensen looked at Cougar, who just shrugged, so Jensen pushed out a chair with his foot. “Have a seat.”

The waitress set down her tray with three drinks, opening the bottles of beer for Cougar and Jensen right there. Cougar appreciated that Tony was savvy enough to have her bring the drinks instead of carrying them himself. She handed Tony a small glass with amber liquid and ice, and Tony said, “Thanks, Margie.”

Margie beamed at him, and sashayed away from the table. Tony gave her backside an appreciative look, and then turned towards Jensen and Cougar with a confiding smile. “Margie’s a sweetheart.”

Craning his neck to watch Margie walk away from their table, Jensen predictably asked, “Is she single?”

“Unfortunately, she has a fiancé named Bob who is 6’6”, and two hundred and thirty pounds of muscle. Definitely not available.”

Jensen said, “Bummer. Cougar’s always been better with the ladies, anyway.”

Tony nodded towards Cougar with an apprising look, and said, “He’s got that dark and mysterious thing going for him. Guys like us, we have to work for it.” He then gave Jensen an easy-going grin.

“It’s just not fair, am I right?” Jensen knocked his foot against Cougar’s boot as if to say he was just kidding, but Cougar wasn’t taking it personally anyway. He _was_ better with women. Hell, almost anyone was better with women than Jensen.

Taking a long pull of his beer, Jensen remarked to Tony, “You seem to be real comfortable here.”

“It’s my place to come for a quiet night. They don’t water down the drinks, and it’s on the way home from work.”

Jensen looked around at the modern fixtures, and sleek design. Cougar smirked because he knew what was coming. Jensen wryly said, “It’s actually a step or twelve up for us. We’re more used to dives.” He clinked his bottle against Cougar’s to toast all the dives they had seen in their careers. Cougar smiled in return.

Tony didn’t seem put off by that admission. He wistfully said, “I haven’t been to a real dive since college.”

“When we get kicked out of this place, we’ll let you know when we find a local one.”

“Deal. You guys done with the Hill?” Cougar blinked, but of course Tony knew why they were here. They were all over the news, and that was why he had bought them their drinks the first night. It was still shocking to be famous, though. Cougar hunched down in his seat, and pulled his hat down a little further. 

With much relief in his voice, Jensen replied, “Finally.”

“I can only imagine; and knock on wood, I will only have to imagine.” Tony rapped his knuckles on the table.

Jensen said, “Yeah, let’s not rehash it. Living it was bad enough. So, Tony, we wanted to say thanks for buying all of our drinks the other night. That was great of you, and must have cost you a pretty penny.”

“Totally my pleasure. You guys solved many a cold case for us.”

“Cold case? What’s your daily grind?”

“Special Agent Tony DiNozzo, NCIS, at your service.” Tony even flashed his badge at them. 

Jensen asked, “NCIS? Isn’t that Navy cops?” He looked to Cougar for confirmation, who nodded. Cougar had never had dealings with NCIS himself, but he knew soldiers who had been in joint ops who had.

“Yeah, that’s right. We deal with crimes and terrorism affecting Navy and Marine personnel and their families.”

“You don’t look very military.”

“Ha! Yeah, no. We’re a civilian agency. I was a cop before becoming a federal agent with NCIS.”

An idea sparking in Cougar’s brain, so he broke his silence and asked, “How’d you come to do that?”

Tony gave his full attention to Cougar. He seemed to have caught on quickly that Cougar only spoke when it was important. “I played football in college, and was looking to go pro until a bad hit screwed up my knee. Being a cop seemed like the next best thing. I like helping people.”

Jensen began excitedly hopping up and down in his chair, and thumped one hand on the table loudly. Other bar patrons turned towards the noise, so Cougar glared at them. Jensen was saying, “Wait! Wait! Tony DiNozzo; Ohio State!” Cougar gave Jensen a look of disbelief. The only sport Jensen followed was his niece’s soccer team. Jensen caught his look, and shrugged. “What? My roommate at MIT followed college football. He even played old games when he was bored.”

Smiling, Tony replied, “You got it in one.”

“Man, you had a real chance at going pro too. Shame about your knee.”

“I’m happy with how things turned out. Most days, anyway.” Tony did look comfortable in his skin and at ease with who he was, if a bit tired.

Sympathetically, Jensen asked, “Rough day at work?”

For the first time that evening, Tony’s smile dropped off his face. It made him look older, and Cougar suddenly realized Tony wasn’t a young, twenty-something guy like he had thought. Tony’s sunny disposition was deceiving. “Yeah. Could use a little liquid relaxation after it all.”

“I hear you. Sometimes you just need a drink after a day from hell.” Tony lifted his drink in a toast to Jensen, who raised his beer in solidarity, and they both took large swallows.

Cougar was too busy thinking about what Tony had said to join in their commiseration. He wanted that kind of surety for himself again, and he wondered if what worked for Tony could work for him. He liked the idea of helping fellow servicemen and women, even if they were sailors and marines.

Cutting in before Jensen could ask another question, Cougar asked, “How’d you become an NCIS agent?”

“Well now, that is a long story, involving a former marine sniper turned Special Agent, who you kind of remind me of, now that I think about it. You both have that intense, scary thing going on.” Tony grinned as he said this, and winked at Cougar, but Cougar knew he wasn’t kidding, not really. It was obvious Tony had taken their measure the way they had taken his. Cougar knew he was probably the most dangerous person in the room, and he didn’t flinch away from that thought. Being able to take care of himself wasn’t the problem, being forced to use those skills for shady purposes was.

“Oh, yeah, you don’t want to mess with Cougs,” Jensen replied with his own wink.

Cougar just smirked.

Tony nodded at them, and took a drink. With a serious look at both of them, he then asked, “So are you just curious, or are you looking for a career? Because we’re hiring at the moment, and you guys might just fit the bill. We can always use people with surveillance and operations experience, let alone cybertech expertise.”

Jensen looked at Cougar, and he could see that the idea hadn’t occurred to Jensen before. Cougar shrugged, but then also nodded slightly. He was thinking about it. Jensen rubbed his goatee, and looked towards the ceiling. “It might be something we’re interested in. What are the requirements?”

“A bachelor’s degree, and the ability to get security clearance are the minimum requirements. I think you guys would have better than average chances. Like I said, we could use your skillsets.” Tony reached into his breast pocket, and pulled out a business card. “Here’s my number if you want to discuss it further, or you want to know who to contact.”

“Thanks. We’ll let you know,” Jensen replied as he took the business card. Cougar nodded his thanks too.

Tony nodded back, and seemed to get that it was time to change the topic. He asked, “So have you guys seen that new movie Inception? It’s a real mind trip.”

They discussed movies for a while, until Tony said it was time for him to leave. He was on call for the weekend, and wanted to get some sleep. Cougar had been wondering why Tony had nursed his two drinks all night. He and Jensen were well on their way to being drunk as skunks. Luckily Cougar was a quiet drunk, and didn’t get too sloppy, so nobody usually guessed when he was totally sloshed. 

Jensen, no surprise, was a loud and exuberant drunk. He and Tony had had a lively discussion about movies that morphed into one about MIT and a colleague of Tony’s. Cougar enjoyed seeing Jensen let loose, and enjoy himself. Usually, he could be carried along by Jensen’s enthusiasm, and forget his own thoughts and worries for a while.

Tonight, however, Cougar had let the conversation wash over him as he considered the NCIS agent thing. He hoped being on the protective side would be a welcome change from being a force of destruction. He remembered the faces of those twenty-five children they had tried to help, and mourned inside. Helping them was the right thing to do, but he still wished they had not gotten caught in the crossfire. All the revenge in the world would not bring them back.

But maybe he could help others who needed saving.

Once back in their room, the first words out of Jensen’s mouth were, “Federal agent, really?” He began sloppily stripping out of his clothes, and Cougar watched for a second, arousal thrumming quietly under his skin, before his brain caught up with his eyes. Jensen had never been interested in other men that Cougar had seen, so there was no point in looking.

Jensen stopped struggling with his pants, and looked at Cougar in the ensuing silence. Cougar shook off his thoughts and shrugged, taking off his shirt to block the view. He figured it was worth explaining. If he wanted Jensen’s backing for the embryonic plans in his head, which he did, he needed to make sure they were on the same page. “I want to help people, and not have them die. Not be the instrument of their death.”

Nodding, Jensen lost his balance and fell onto his bed. “Yeah. That would be great. And would be a novel change for us, huh?”

Settling on his own bed to take off his boots, Cougar nodded, and gave Jensen a small smile. “Change might be good.”

Smiling back, Jensen replied, “Hell, yeah.”

They finished undressing, Cougar mulling over the federal agent idea, knowing that he wouldn’t have to ask for Jensen to do a bunch of research the next day. Jensen always took the initiative in these kinds things. Falling into bed, sleep came easily.

* * *

A week later they were still in the hotel. They hadn’t been kicked out yet, so they were milking it for all it was worth while they looked for two bedroom apartments in the area. They did buy a car, though. They needed it to do the searching.

They didn’t talk much about becoming federal agents, but Cougar knew Jensen was aware of how serious he was. It felt good to have a goal again; to feel like he had a purpose.

Jensen had done research on both NCIS and Tony DiNozzo, pulling NCIS personnel files, as well as FBI files. Cougar didn’t say anything about how this was contrary to Jensen’s wish to go legit, just raised an eyebrow, making Jensen stammer out excuses, until Cougar laughed at him. Then Jensen hit him with a pillow, so Cougar got him in a headlock until he said, “Uncle.”

It felt nice to be so relaxed they could goof around, and they didn’t even break anything.

Anyway, Tony DiNozzo was an interesting character. He had a long history of undercover work, both as a fed and as a cop. He had a couple of accusations of murder that were dropped, but which still made for interesting reading. He seemed to be either on the ins or outs with his various directors. It was unclear if his recommendation would help or hinder them, but Cougar still wanted to go through the application process.

On the other hand, Cougar could tell Jensen wasn’t one hundred percent behind the idea, that he was just going for it because Cougar wanted it. Cougar would have told him to follow his own heart, but it was also obvious that Jensen didn’t have a better idea. Cougar figured even if Jensen didn’t stick with it, it wasn’t a bad thing to establish one of them on the straight and narrow.

Once they lucked into an apartment in a secure building, and moved out of the hotel, Cougar had Jensen call Tony. They had an address they could put on the application now, and he figured it would take weeks, if not months, to get through the process, so it was better to start sooner rather than later. He was eager for a new direction in his life. He had Jensen call because they had a better relationship. Tony invited them to his place for dinner, and to watch the new Bruce Willis movie Red. 

Driving to Tony’s house, Jensen asked, “So how much hardware are you packing?” Curious as to why Jensen would ask, Cougar pulled out his revolver and discreetly showed it to Jensen when they stopped at a light. “You know a fed might not like us bringing firearms to dinner and a movie.”

Cougar huffed, and put his revolver away. He said, “But I bet he won’t be surprised.”

“That is true,” Jensen said with a laugh. He pulled into visitor parking, and they made their way up to Tony’s apartment after he buzzed them in. Jensen had bought a six-pack of beer so that they didn’t arrive empty-handed.

Tony was waiting in the open doorway to his apartment. He was wearing jeans and a white, button-down shirt. He said, “Hey guys. I hope you don’t mind, but I invited my boss tonight to help get you guys in the door at NCIS.”

Cougar appreciated the head’s up, and nodded, while Jensen asked, “Is this the scary, sniper guy?”

Tony laughed, and a voice from inside the apartment barked, “DiNozzo!”

“Coming, boss,” he replied, while waving them into the apartment.

Cougar took the lead; Jensen falling back naturally. The guy inside was just coming out of the kitchen area with a beer. He was about Cougar’s height, with a hard stare, but a loose stance. It was obvious he was used to trouble, but wasn’t expecting it tonight. Cougar nodded seriously to him, one predator to another, but also relaxed minutely. He didn’t want any trouble either. Jensen was already jabbering with Tony, and neither of them seemed to have noticed the stand-off between Tony’s boss and Cougar, but Cougar knew Jensen’s obliviousness was often misleading, and suspected the same thing about Tony.

Jensen handed Tony the beer, who said, “Excellent, thanks! Let me put this in the fridge. Can I get you guys cold ones while I‘m there? Dinner won’t be ready for half an hour yet.”

“Sounds good,” Jensen said, clapping his hands together, and seemingly noticing Tony’s boss for the first time. “So hi. I’m Jensen, and this is Cougar.”

Tony’s boss simply said, “Gibbs.”

Jensen nodded like Pooch’s bobble-head toy. “Ah, not a man of many words. No problem, I’m used to that.” He then winked at Cougar, who just rolled his eyes back.

Tony came back with their beers, and with a bit of sarcasm in his voice said, “I see we’re all getting along famously. Excellent.”

Cougar snorted, and Gibbs even cracked a smile. Jensen laughed out right. He said, “No, really, I am used to it. When Cougar says more than three words in English you know things just got serious. He’s a bit more chatty in Spanish.”

Tony said, “Gibbs isn’t chatty in any language.”

“I can speak for myself, Tony.”

“Just saving you the trouble, boss.” Tony winked at Jensen, who smiled widely back. It was obvious that they still had that rapport that they had found in the bar. Tony waved his drink and said, “Let’s take some seats. I just put in the garlic bread, and the timer will let us know when the lasagna is ready to come out of the oven.”

By mutual agreement, they settled around the table, instead of on the more comfortable couch. Despite Tony and Jensen’s joking around, things weren’t quite that easy between them yet. Hopefully the tension would lessen when it was time to watch the movie.

Gibbs said, “So, you’re the guys that took down the CIA, NSA, and half of Congress.”

Putting on a fake demure act, Jensen replied, “Well, we had help. Although Cougar really is a one-man killing machine.” 

Cougar kept his face impassive, and his eyes on Gibbs. With a hard look, Gibbs probed, “If you want to kill people, you should stay in the Army.”

Deciding it was time to take a stand, Cougar put his hands flat on the table in a sign of peace, and emphatically said, “I don’t.”

Jensen said, “Hey, yeah. I only meant Cougar probably could’ve taken everyone out himself. He’s a badass like that. Doesn’t mean we don’t have our hearts in the right place.”

Getting right to the point, Gibbs asked, “So what makes you think NCIS is the answer?”

Turning a searching stare towards Cougar, Jensen hesitated. Cougar took the reins, and said, “I want to do good. Help people instead of hurt them. And I don’t want to do it from behind a desk.” 

“Exactly something like that,” Jensen added. 

Rolling his eyes, Cougar put a hand on Jensen’s arm. “Jensen is less sure that NCIS is the answer for him. I think it would fit me.”

“Hey, Cougs, just because I’m not as sold, doesn’t mean we aren’t in this together.” Jensen looked honestly upset.

“I know.”

Tony asked, “So by together, do you mean _together_? Not that it matters, NCIS is a civilian agency, but curious minds want to know. I thought you were interested in Margie?”

Jensen laughed, and Cougar gave him a dirty look. Waving a placating hand at Cougar, Jensen said, “No! I don’t mean it like that. I’m just happy he thinks I could score someone like you. You’re way out of my league.”

Cougar wanted to roll his eyes at Jensen. Jensen could score if he just settled down, and didn’t try so hard. Instead Cougar mockingly said, “That’s because you have no game.”

“I have game!”

“We all heard you trying to pick up that paramedic.”

“That was a stressful situation! I’d like to see you work under that kind of pressure!”

Giving Jensen a look, Cougar waited it out. Finally Jensen admitted, “Okay you always have game. I’ve seen you pick up in an active war zone. We can’t all be as smooth as you, though.”

Cougar nodded, satisfied. 

Tony, who had been watching them like a tennis match, laughed. “He really is like Gibbs. Does he have a thing for redheads?” With a glare, Gibbs reached across the table, and swatted Tony on the back of the head, causing Jensen to bark out a laugh, as Tony apologized to Gibbs.

Gibbs said, “Let’s get back on track.”

Cougar nodded, but Jensen was still chuckling at Gibbs’ actions. Cougar kicked him under the table, and he jumped, but also finally stopped goofing off. He put a mock serious look on his face, and nodded too. That was good enough to satisfy Cougar for the moment, so he turned back to Gibbs and asked, “What else do I need to know?”

With a thoughtful look on his face, Gibbs took a pull off his beer. “Well, the new director Vance has a real thing for computer guys. It’s a shame Jensen is less interested, he’d be right up Vance’s alley. If you have any skills in that area, play them up. Also, don’t be so taciturn. It’ll remind him of me, and I’m not his favorite kind of agent.”

Tony snorted, and Gibbs gave him a look. Towards Cougar, Tony said, “Gibbs and Vance have had a number of run-ins; Gibbs usually wins, which drives Vance up a wall.”

Gibbs glared at Tony, but then nodded that it was true. With a wry, yet challenging look, he said, “You also might want to cut your hair, and lose the hat. Make yourself look more professional and approachable.” Cougar grimaced. Cutting his hair always made him feel like a child playing dress-up.

With a pointed look at Cougar, he wrapped up with, “Finally, don’t go to your interview armed. That would be frowned upon.”

Jensen coughed out a laugh, while Cougar just nodded back seriously, and said, “Thank you.”

The timer dinged just then, so Tony got up to take the lasagna out of the oven. He said, “It’ll need to cool for a couple minutes, but we can set the table now.”

They all stood up, and working together, set the table with plates and silverware. Tony dished out lasagna to everyone, and served up the garlic bread on a plate. Since everyone was digging in, the conversation died. 

The food was good, probably the best meal Cougar had had since leaving his parent’s house a couple months ago. Either he or Jensen really needed to learn how to cook. Take-out was getting boring.

After everyone was finished, and Jensen had groaned about how full he was, Gibbs stood up. “I’m going to take my leave now. Good luck. I’ll try to steer the application to the most favorable eyes.”

Cougar stood up, and held out his hand. When Gibbs grasped his hand in a hard handshake, he replied, “Thank you for your help. I appreciate it.”

“Hey, anyone who can take on the CIA and win is okay in my book.”

Cougar grinned at him, and Gibbs chuckled. Gibbs waved good-bye to Jensen, and then Tony showed him to the door. They had a brief, quiet conversation before Gibbs left, but Cougar didn’t try to listen in. He figured they deserved their privacy. That was more Jensen’s bad habit anyway, he always wanted to know everyone’s secrets, but he was too busy moaning at the table about how he couldn’t move. 

Tony came back inside, and pulled more beers out of the fridge. “How about that movie, now?”

Rinsing off his plate and Jensen’s, and putting them in the dishwasher that Tony had left open, Cougar nodded. Jensen levered himself out of his chair, and said, “Sure, man. But seriously, where did you learn to cook like that?”

Tony replied, “Housekeepers back when I was young. My family wasn’t the most… functional, so I spent a lot of time with the staff, until my dad sent me to military school when I was twelve.”

“Military school when you were twelve? Ouch, that’s a bummer. Probably better than the hell that was my teenage years living with my parents, but still bad.”

“You get used to it.” 

It was obviously a topic Tony didn’t want to delve into, and Cougar shook his head at Jensen. Jensen shrugged, but then nodded back. He asked, “So what is this movie about?”

“Ex-spies take on the CIA. I thought it would be fitting.”

“Hell, yeah. Let’s see some action,” Jensen replied.

They settled on the couch with their beers, and watched the movie. It was a fun, mad romp. Helen Mirren was a badass. Cougar loved her in it. After the movie, Cougar and Jensen said good-bye to Tony, and thanks for dinner.

Driving back to their apartment, Jensen talked on and on about the movie, but Cougar was silent. He had a lot on his mind about NCIS and their futures. 

Finally home, inside their apartment it was still sparse. There were just a couple folding chairs in the living room, along with a folding table that held all of Jensen’s electronic and computing equipment. Luckily they had mattresses delivered first thing, so they weren’t sleeping on the floor. Neither of them stopped in the living room, so in the hallway between their rooms Cougar put a hand on Jensen’s arm. “You don’t have to do this, if you don’t want.”

“I know, but I don’t have any other ideas at the moment, and I’m going crazy doing nothing. So until something better comes along, this will probably be as good as it gets. I don’t want to go back to covert ops either.”

Cougar nodded, and clasped Jensen’s shoulder for a second. “Okay.”

Jensen said, “Thanks anyway, Cougs,” and then he headed into his room, pushing the door most of the way closed. Cougar slipped into his own room, stripping as he went.

* * *

Cougar worked diligently on his application over the next few days. Contacting old bosses for references, and looking up old addresses. Jensen hemmed and hawed, but didn’t get much done on his despite his protestations that he was still interested. Cougar didn’t worry about it. Jensen would land on his feet, no matter what. He just had to have faith Jensen would land next to him.

A couple days in, Cougar went to the barber. He didn’t get spikes like Jensen, he went for around ear-length, but also had his beard and mustache shaved off, since he thought they looked weird without the longer hair to offset them. His hair curled around his head, and he looked naked without the beard. It would take a while to get used to it. When he got back to the apartment, Jensen was, as usual, on the computer. He did a double-take when Cougar took off his hat. With a huge grin, Jensen said, “Wow. You look _young_. Who knew our fierce Cougar had such a baby-face?”

Cougar upped his glare, and Jensen help up both hands in supplication. “ _And_ we’re back to the scary motherfucker.”

Smirking at Jensen, Cougar finished hanging his hat up. He knew he looked younger and more vulnerable without his hair and beard, but he didn’t know what to do about it. He thought it might even help him. People who were scared of someone didn’t hire them. The haircut might make him a wolf in sheep’s clothing, but if the sheep’s clothing worked, it worked.

Jensen spent the rest of the night sneaking looks at Cougar that Cougar pretended not to see. He didn’t know what was so interesting about him cutting his hair, but he wasn’t going to push it. He wasn’t sure he would like the answer if Jensen was seeing him in a different light.

The next morning, as Cougar was giving his application a final read-through, Jensen came into the room silently. Cougar ignored him for a second, before the lack of noise twigged him onto Jensen’s weird mood. Looking up, Cougar saw that Jensen was just standing in the middle of the room looking at his phone. Cougar asked, “What’s up?”

“Pepper Potts just called me.”

Cougar shrugged.

Jensen gave him a look that turned disbelieving when Cougar was obviously clueless. “Oh my god, Cougar, have you been living under a rock? Pepper Potts, the CEO of Stark Industries! Who are the multinational manufacturer of everything _cool_ , and oh yeah, which is owned by Iron Man!”

“What did she want?”

“How are you so calm? I’m shaking here.” He held out his hands, one still clutching his phone. Jensen actually was visibly shaking. Cougar didn’t know what to think about a Jensen that was this shook up. Jensen was awkward and goofy, but he usually had amazing control. He couldn’t have been in special ops if he didn’t.

He asked again, a bit more softly, “What did she want, Jensen?”

“She offered me a job. Part research, and part security consultant. She said Tony Stark was impressed by my work, and thought I could help him build better computer security systems. Tony Stark knows who I am. I think I need to sit down.” Jensen crumpled to the floor, still holding his phone out as if it would explode.

Still keeping his voice soft, Cougar asked, “So it’s a good thing, yes?” He stood up from the table, forgetting about his electronic application, and crouched in front of Jensen.

“Cougs, it’s an amazing thing, but it’s in New York. I would need to move to New York.” Jensen looked torn when he met Cougar’s eyes. 

“So you go to New York.”

“But NCIS is here. You get this job, you would still be here. I don’t want to break our deal right as we’re starting out.”

Cougar gripped Jensen’s hand, covering the phone with his palm. He gathered his thoughts before speaking. Jensen was starting to freak him out, and he wanted to get this right, for the both of them. He couldn’t let Jensen pass this opportunity by, not when it was so obvious it was his dream offer. “You’re not breaking our deal, just changing it. Besides New York is just a three hour train ride away. A little longer if we drive. We can still face the future together. We just need to adjust.”

Jensen intently searched Cougar’s face. “Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Oh god, Cougs, I hung up on her! I just sort of meeped, and pressed call end! What am I going to do?” Jensen started hyperventilating.

Cougar shook the hand he was holding to get Jensen’s attention, and said, “Call her back.”

“She’s gonna think I’m a nutjob!”

“You are, but she will understand. Call her back.” Releasing Jensen’s hand, Cougar stood up and clapped Jensen on the shoulder. Jensen looked like he was going to his death, but still hit the redial button on his phone. He said, “Ms. Potts? Sorry, I lost reception.”

Cougar left the room to give Jensen some privacy, and to settle his own thoughts. He stood in his room, putting his hands on his hips to keep from throwing things. He didn’t want to live by himself, but he guessed he would have to get used to it. He just hoped he was right that he and Jensen would maintain their close relationship. The only other person he was as close to was Pooch; Clay and Roque had always kept more to themselves. But Pooch had his family in Springfield, and so didn’t need Cougar or Jensen the way they needed each other. Jensen really had been his only choice for wingman, and now he was leaving too.

Cougar took a deep breath, and reminded himself that three hours wasn’t that far. Plus, it was obvious that Jensen took this as seriously as he did. They would be fine. He needed to keep his eyes on the prize, and finish his NCIS application. He still needed his own direction in life, and maybe they had offices in New York City. Maybe the separation didn’t have to be permanent.

Jensen knocked on the doorframe behind Cougar. “So I have an interview in New York with Tony Stark on Monday. Apparently it’s a formality. Want to take a road trip with me? They’re putting me up at The Plaza, which is pretty swanky.”

“Of course.”

After a beat of silence where they just looked at each other, Jensen asked, “Are you sure you’re okay with this? Because I can call her back and cancel, no problem.”

Cougar decided to stop thinking like a selfish asshole, and smiled at Jensen with as much real emotion as he could muster. “Don’t be an idiot. This sounds perfect for you.”

“Yeah, but, I don’t know. I didn’t know what I wanted before, but I still felt great because I knew you would be by my side. Now, I don’t know. It’s just not the same if I go to New York by myself. Who’s going to watch my back?”

Feeling a pang of worry about both of them being alone and unguarded, Cougar ruthlessly pushed it down. “We’ll have to make do. I’ll see if there are NCIS offices in New York.”

With burgeoning hope in his voice, Jensen replied, “Yeah?”

“Of course.”

“Okay, okay. We can totally make this work. You and me, Cougs, we’re adaptable guys.” Jensen clapped his hands together, and asked, “So how goes your application? Are you ready to send that bad boy off?”

“I think so.”

“Okay, then let’s get that ball rolling too. We have a future to plan.”

Cougar nodded, and followed Jensen back into the living room. Jensen sat down, and woke up the monitor. Cougar’s application was still there. Jensen asked, “Are you sure it has everything?”

Cougar nodded. “Yes. I was just finishing my final check when you came in.”

“So I can send it?”

Taking a slow breath and exhaling, experiencing the same feeling of ramping adrenaline he got before he let a long-range shot go, Cougar said, “Send it.” Jensen hit the button, and the application disappeared to be replaced by a thank you message. Now it was just a waiting game.

* * *

Cougar drove them up to New York on Sunday, since Jensen’s interview was first thing the next morning. Jensen was nervous, so talked even more than usual. He didn’t shut up for the entire drive, talking about movies and code and East Coast attractions. Cougar didn’t mind. Jensen’s chatter kept his mind off his own worries. 

Traffic was light, so they barreled up the New Jersey Turnpike, and hit the Lincoln Tunnel in record time. Parking the car in a garage near 5th Avenue and 59th Street, they grabbed their bags and headed to the hotel. After checking in and being shown to their room, Cougar tipped the bellhop, and they were finally alone. Cougar checked the bathroom, and sightlines from the window, while Jensen threw himself back on the bed. There was only one king-sized bed, since Jensen was the only one who was supposed to be there, and they saw no reason to adjust the reservation. They had slept in closer quarters, in more dangerous circumstances.

Jensen moaned and said, “Oh, wow, this is the most comfortable bed I’ve ever been on. It’s like laying back on a cloud. You gotta try this, Cougar.”

Finished with his assessment, Cougar closed the drapes to prevent anyone from seeing in, and turned around. Jensen was star-fished on the bed. Putting his hands on his hips, he said, “I don’t see how. You’re taking up the whole thing.”

“Yeah, and I’m not sorry about it, either. Seriously, a _cloud_. I’m in heaven.”

Cougar smirked at him, and then strode over to the bed to tickle Jensen on his lower ribs. Cougar had found out about that spot while they were working in the doll factory. Maria had flirted with Jensen and in their playing around, she had found it. As usual, Jensen started laughing and curled up. He gasped out, “Cougar! Stop, you bastard!”

Cougar stopped, and jumped on the bed before Jensen could uncurl from his ball. The bed _was_ comfortable. It was hard enough, but downy at the same time. Cougar tilted his hat over his eyes, and put his arms behind his head. Settled again, Jensen uncurled next to him, and put his hands on his belly. “This is nice,” he said.

Cougar grunted his agreement. It was pretty relaxing. He closed his eyes, and relaxed his shoulders into the cushy bed. He was asleep in minutes.

Waking up, Cougar was hot. There was a warm weight all along his left side. Blinking open his eyes, he looked over to find Jensen curled up against him with an arm over his stomach. He was sleeping soundly, smacking his lips every now and then. Even though Cougar was overheated, it still felt nice. He felt well-rested and refreshed. 

Cougar watched Jensen’s eyelids flutter, until he frowned, and told himself to get a grip. He shouldn’t be studying Jensen like he was a lover. Jensen wasn’t interested in him like that. He wasn’t interested in any man like that. It was too bad. Cougar would have loved it if he could be with someone from his team, and Jensen was his favorite. He trusted him implicitly, and he had been tried by fire with Cougar. Cougar could relax when he was with Jensen. As Jensen had said, they had each other’s backs.

Slipping out from under Jensen’s arm, Cougar left the bed, and used the washroom. He then unpacked his bag, and settled at the little table for two with his computer, checking his email.

A short time later, Jensen stirred, and then sat up, rubbing his eyes. He hummed and said, “That was the best sleep I’ve had in ages. I told you this bed was magical.” Cougar rolled his eyes, letting Jensen see, who just smirked back at him. “Don’t front. I know you slept well too. You conked out like a fat cat in front of a fireplace.”

Cougar adjusted his hat, giving Jensen the finger at the same time. Jensen laughed, and rolled off the bed, heading for the bathroom. After Jensen had checked his own email, they went out into the city for dinner, finding a good Shwarma place nearby. After dinner, they went back to the room since Jensen had his early breakfast interview, and Cougar wasn’t going to let him go to it without back-up. He wanted to get a good look at these people if they were going to take Jensen away from him. 

Jensen knew of his plans. He had rolled his eyes, and said he didn’t need a babysitter, but Cougar ignored him. It wasn’t babysitting, it was caution.

* * *

They slept well that night, despite their naps, which made Cougar think that maybe the bed actually was magic. Or else they were sleep-deprived, but he didn’t want to dwell on that. He knew he had his own problems with nightmares. He didn’t like to think of Jensen being plagued by them too, but he knew it was likely. Nobody, who went through what they had, comes out unscathed. 

Jensen dressed in the navy suit he had bought over the weekend, fussing with his tie, until Cougar batted his hands away to tie it properly. Cougar was dressed in slacks and a gray button-down shirt as well. He felt like they were going undercover.

He didn’t tell Jensen that, since this was possibly going to be his life.

The breakfast interview was happening in the hotel at the Palm Court restaurant, so they just took the elevator to the proper floor, and Cougar asked for a table in the back, while Jensen waited for Tony Stark to show up. 

Cougar’s coffee was delivered when Tony Stark showed up to murmurs in the place. Cougar took stock of him. He wasn’t as tall as Jensen, but was vibrant and lively, even this early in the morning, although by the dark circles around his eyes, Cougar suspected he had never gone to bed or was having his own problems sleeping. 

Cougar had made Jensen wear a microphone and earpiece. Jensen had protested, but Cougar made the point that he would wear one to his NCIS interview for Jensen, which shut him right up. Cougar knew Jensen wouldn’t be able to resist that. 

So after they introduced themselves, and ordered coffee, Cougar clearly heard Stark say, “So does your sniper want to join us, or is he going to continue lurking in the corner?”

Jensen laughed nervously, and said, “Spotted him, did you?”

“Jarvis did.” Stark didn’t sound upset; he sounded like he didn’t care either way.

“Is that your security?”

Now Stark sounded cagey, as he said, “Something like that,” and Cougar wondered. He surreptitiously checked around the room, but he didn’t see anyone paying particular attention to him, or Stark and Jensen. Or rather Stark was garnering a lot of attention, but it just seemed to be gawkers.

Stark said, “So is this breakfast for three, or what?” With that, Cougar stood up and joined Jensen and Stark at their table, bringing his coffee with him. He nodded hello at Stark, as Jensen gave him a withering look.

With long drawn out vowels, Jensen said, “So, this is Cougar.”

Cougar took a closer look at Stark. He had an intelligent gaze, and an intensity that he hadn’t noticed from across the room. Stark asked Jensen, “Do you always come to interviews with your own personal protection?” He sounded curious, and more amused than anything.

Still looking embarrassed, Jensen replied, “To be honest, this is my first and only interview since everything went down. I haven’t been on an interview since I was accepted into special ops.”

“I can’t believe that. Everyone must be after you and your skills.”

“I wasn’t interested in them.”

“But you are in Stark Industries.”

“I like what you’ve done with the company these last few years. Your stuff is the best on the market.”

“Hell, kid, in most cases my stuff are the only products on the market.”

Jensen said, “True, but what you’ve done for cellular phone technology is truly revolutionary.” Stark smiled smugly, and Jensen was off talking technical details with Stark that Cougar couldn’t follow. Instead he kept his gaze roaming around the room looking for trouble. Luckily everything was quiet, although Cougar was nervous that he hadn’t spotted Stark’s security.

The interview went on for hours, but no one bothered them, except to deliver more coffee, and to ask if they wanted anything else. Stark acted like this was a normal occurrence, and Cougar guessed for him it was. If it was just Cougar and Jensen, they would have gotten the stink eye after the first hour.

Still, Cougar could tell Jensen was having the time of his life. Cougar knew that to find someone who not only understood what he was talking about, but that challenged him and his perceptions at the same time was a novel occurrence for Jensen. So Cougar kept his mouth shut, and his eyes peeled, watching Jensen’s back.

Because of this, Cougar was the first to notice the furious women stalking towards them. He nudged Jensen, and then also Stark for good measure, interrupting their discussion of encryption algorithms, and tilted his head towards the entrance. They turned to look, and Stark exclaimed, “Pepper!”

The women, Pepper Potts presumably, didn’t slow down until she was close enough to smack Stark on the arm. Cougar half-rose out of his seat, not sure if this was trouble or not.

She said, “I don’t want to hear it! You missed the board meeting. Again.”

“But look! I made it to the interview. You were right, this guy is good.” Stark smiled charmingly, and even went so far as to bat his eyelashes at Ms. Potts. Cougar resettled in his seat, and exchanged looks with Jensen. Jensen had to cough to cover his laugh. With barely concealed mirth in his voice, Jensen said, “I’m sorry Ms. Potts. It’s my fault. I kept him talking, and I didn’t know he had another appointment.”

After rolling her eyes as Stark made “see” gestures at Jensen, she turned a tired smile towards Jensen and replied, “Don’t go giving him excuses now. He’ll be using you as a reason to get out of meetings he doesn’t want to go to from now on.” It looked like her ire was expelled. Her voice was fond, if exasperated. 

Stark seemed to notice too, as he rose and pulled out a chair, and signaled a waiter for more coffee. “Have a seat, Pepper. We can talk about the future of our cellular phone technology. Jensen here has some great ideas.”

Jensen looked thrilled to be thought of so highly by Stark. As far as Cougar was concerned, Stark would be lucky to get Jensen’s talents, not the other way around. But he knew Jensen’s heroes were not his to disparage.

Ms. Potts nodded towards Jensen, and then turned towards Cougar, saying, “I’m sorry. We haven’t been introduced. I’m Pepper.”

Stark muttered, “Join the club. I haven’t heard him say a word yet.”

“No one can get a word in edge-wise around you, Tony,” Pepper said.

Before they could get going in their argument, Cougar took Pepper’s hand, and said, “Cougar,” tipping his hat.

Putting a hand to his chest in mock surprise, Stark said, “It talks!”

After shaking his hand, Pepper gave Stark a look, and politely turned back to Cougar to ask, “Are you interviewing too? I was only aware of Jensen’s interview.”

Cougar shook his head, as Jensen said, “Cougar just accompanied me on the trip. And then was backing me up in case anything went down during the interview. We’re still a little… paranoid.” He looked embarrassed, and gave Cougar a look that he knew meant they would be talking afterwards about how their stealth had failed.

Pepper smirked. “It’s always wise to have back-up when meeting with Tony. He attracts trouble.”

Stark exclaimed, “Hey,” but still managed to look pleased. It was obvious Stark and Pepper were just taking the piss out of each other, and were very close. Cougar wondered how close, knew Jensen would know. He shook off these thoughts as none of his concern, and cased the restaurant again. Everything was still fine, and he relaxed minutely, if not fully.

Their waiter came back with a coffee for Pepper, and Stark turned back to Jensen to say, “It’s good that Pepper showed up. She can negotiate salary and benefits with you.”

Pepper asked Stark, “You’ve offered him a job then?”

“You did hear me say he had some great ideas for improving our cellular phone design, right? Plus, we’ve been talking security. He’s almost as good as I am at cracking people’s systems.”

Pepper asked, “You’re not just hiring him to break into SHIELD, are you?” Stark grinned and winked at Jensen, and Pepper exclaimed, “Tony!”

Somewhat hesitantly, Jensen said, “I’m trying to do legit work.”

Stark mock-frowned, and replied, “Where’s the fun in that?”

Jensen asked, “Not going to jail?” Stark laughed at this, as Pepper assured Jensen that they would not require him to do any illegal hacking. She turned a stern look to Stark, who winked at Jensen. Cougar was not reassured. 

Pepper took out her StarkPhone, and typed on it for a couple seconds. “How about this for a starting salary?” She handed the phone to Jensen.

Jensen took the phone and looked at the figure. Cougar couldn’t see it. Jensen side-eyed Pepper, and then typed in a new figure. His face was carefully controlled, but Cougar could see the excitement thrumming under the surface. It was like when they were in the middle of a firefight. “While that’s pretty good, I was hoping for something more in this range, considering the cost of living in New York.”

Pepper looked at the new figure, and with her own poker face, showed it to Stark. Stark snorted and said, “Why are you showing me? I don’t know how much we pay people.” 

Pepper rolled her eyes, and took the phone back. She gave her own calculating look at Jensen, and then said. “I think we can agree on that. How about four weeks’ vacation, and the usual health and disability insurance?”

Before she was even finished speaking, Jensen said, “Done!” He was grinning now, and it was obvious he felt like he had won.

Tony clapped his hands together, and asked, “So when can you start?”

Turning towards Cougar, Jensen raised an eyebrow at him. Cougar shrugged. It all depended on how long it took to find a place in New York. Jensen said, “I’m living in D.C. at the moment, but I can maybe look at apartments this trip. It’s mid-month, so it’s unlikely I can find a place for the first, so six weeks?”

Frowning, Tony said, “I don’t want to wait that long. How do you feel about telecommuting from D.C. until you find a place here?”

“I can totally do that.”

“Great! Come on out to our headquarters; we’ll get you set up with an account and a laptop.”

“He would also need to fill out his W-2 and other HR paperwork if we’re giving him an account right now,” Pepper said. She looked frazzled again now, and Cougar guessed she hadn’t anticipated Jensen starting today. Hell, he hadn’t anticipated that. She took out her phone again, and typed out a message. “Okay, Becky from HR knows we’re coming, and will have his paperwork ready to go.”

Standing up, and waving to the waiter, Stark said, “Then let’s get this show on the road!” Once Stark had paid the bill, they headed outside where Stark was having a car pulled around. Cougar caught Jensen’s gaze, and raised an eyebrow in question. Jensen just shrugged, and since neither Stark nor Pepper commented on his presence, Cougar followed everyone into the car.

Things took a while then. Stark got IT to set Jensen up with a laptop and an intranet account, and talked to him about where to start on his security consulting. Cougar looked around the offices, and marveled at the expense that must have gone into them. There was frosted glass everywhere, and fancy fittings.

Finally, Jensen was all set up, and they could leave Stark headquarters. Since it was late, Stark was nice enough to put them up at The Plaza for another night. Once they were back at the hotel, and they had secured the room, Cougar finally relaxed. Jensen threw himself on the left side of the bed, and sighed loudly. Lifting his glasses he rubbed his eyes as if tired, but was still grinning, so Cougar knew he still had energy. With a wink, Jensen said, “What a day. You weren’t bored, were you?”

Cougar thought about the day. Most of the conversation had gone over his head, but having Jensen’s back and protecting him had kept Cougar on his toes. The day had actually gone really fast. He replied, “No.”

Jensen grinned wider at him. “I’m glad we can stick together for a while longer, Cougs. It makes this whole adventure seem more real. Not that I think it’s fake, just that it seems like a fantasy, me and Tony Stark geeking out over communication electronics. You ever play that game? The one where you pick five people, living or dead, to have dinner and conversation with? Tony Stark would have definitely been on my list, and now it’s happened. Bizarre!”

Cougar smiled at Jensen’s enthusiasm, and gave him a small nod. He took off his shoes, and settled on the bed next to Jensen, lying back.

Jensen put his hands behind his head, and crossed his legs at the ankle. Turning his head towards Cougar, he asked, “So who would be on your list of dinner companions? Remember they can be living or dead.”

Cougar eyed the plain, white ceiling and thought about it. His favorites from college swam to his mind first, so he said, “César Vallejo and Jorge Luis Borges.” 

“Ah, yes, you poncy, lit major, you. You’re such a nerd, but too badass for anyone to mention it. Also, no wonder you get all the chicks; what with having poetry at the tip of your tongue.” Jensen was smiling as he commented, so Cougar knew he was joking, but there was more than a grain of truth to it. 

Most people expected him to be an ignorant grunt, especially since he didn’t say much, and he let them believe it, because being underestimated worked in his favor. And knowing poetry certainly never hurt his chances with women. He briefly wondered if poetry would also work its magic on Jensen, but then he shook his head to rid it of those thoughts. Next thing he knew, he’d be _writing_ poetry about Jensen, and that would be irredeemable.

Jensen asked, “Who else?”

Shifting his thoughts, thinking about everyone he could chose, from Einstein to General MacArthur, out of pride in his heritage, he said, “Pancho Villa.” Jensen nodded as if that made sense to him, which Cougar guessed it did. For the few people who knew him, his answers should be obvious. Finally, he said, “Penelope Cruz.” He’d seen an interview with her on TV once upon a time, and she seemed smart and vivacious. Just his type of woman.

“She is a hottie. Good choices, man. I should have known you would own this game. But that’s only four, who’s your fifth?”

Cougar turned his head towards Jensen with a wide smile. “You, of course. Who else would get the conversation going?”

Cougar watched in wonder as color painted Jensen’s cheeks. Jensen actually blushing at being included on Cougar’s list made Cougar’s heart clench. He had said it jokingly, but he meant it too. It wouldn’t be the same if Jensen wasn’t there to dominate the conversation, and get everyone talking and thinking at the same time. It wouldn’t feel right. Plus, Cougar certainly wasn’t going to do it. He was used to Jensen taking the conversational reins for him, and getting the answers Cougar wanted. Jensen was in some ways his better half.

Jensen said, “You utter softie, you.” He was grinning widely though.

Still smiling, Cougar said, “Your turn.”

Jensen nodded seriously. “Okay, Tony Stark, as I mentioned. Ever since he turned his company into something cool and innovative, he’s been my hero.

“Jennifer Lawrence because it seems like we would get along like a house on fire. Plus, she is _smoking_ hot. Do you remember her as Mystique in  X-Men?”

Cougar nodded and waggled his eyebrows to make Jensen laugh.

Continuing, Jensen said, “Alan Turing because he will probably be rad to talk algorithms and artificial intelligence with and all that stuff. 

“Danica McKellar because she makes math fun for girls, which I am completely behind. I plan on getting my niece all her books when she hits middle school. Plus, again, hot as fire.

“And finally, although I should include you as a return favor, you would totally steal my thunder, and make out with all the women, so I’m not going to.” Jensen stuck his tongue out at Cougar, who just smirked back at him. He could get behind making out with Jensen’s smart, hot chicks, no problem. “Instead, I’m going with Stephen Hawking, because what he has accomplished is amazing, and he studies space. You can’t go wrong with cosmology.”

Cougar hummed his response, but then felt compelled to say, “I would still be better than Stephen Hawking.”

“Oh, no, don’t even go there, buddy! I remember the doll factory. You conquered every women in that place, and they wouldn’t even give me the time of day afterwards. Not even Maria. They all just wanted to make moon eyes at you. I’m not having you steal Jennifer Lawrence and Danica McKellar from right under my nose.”

In a playful mood, Cougar continued to tweak Jensen’s ego. “It wouldn’t be stealing.”

Jensen rolled his eyes, but grinned back. Putting a hand to his heart in mock pain and grimacing, he said, “Why you gotta kick a guy when he’s down, Cougs? Why?”

Cougar laughed, with Jensen joining in easily and readily. Just then his stomach rumbled, so Cougar asked, “Are you hungry?”

“Starving, man. What are you in the mood for?”

“Tapas.”

“Hell, yeah! That sounds awesome. Let me look up the best place.” Jensen took out his phone, and started searching for near-by restaurants. Cougar relaxed, content to let him take control of their evening.

* * *

The next morning while they were eating breakfast at the Palm Court again, a suited man made a beeline for their table after talking to the maître d’. Cougar tensed, and Jensen turned to see what had caused it, so he was ready when the man stopped a couple feet from their table and said, “Good morning, Mr. Jensen and Mr. Alvarez.”

Jensen asked, “Can we help you?”

The man flipped open a badge as he said, “Jasper Sitwell, Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division. Can I have a few minutes of your time?”

Jensen turned to Cougar, who gave him a brief nod. He didn’t know much about SHIELD, nobody did really, but he was curious. He totally understood Tony Stark’s impulse to hack their systems. Still, there was no sense in pissing them off before finding out what they wanted.

Jensen turned back to Sitwell, and said, “Sure. Pull up a chair.”

While Sitwell was situating himself, Cougar cased the restaurant. He made about 3 people who were probably SHIELD agents, but they were all busy looking circumspect, so he wasn’t too worried yet. If there were only four of them, he and Jensen could take them down easy, and hopefully make their getaway before reinforcements arrived.

A waiter came and Sitwell ordered a coffee, so Cougar took the time to look him over. He was on the shorter side, but solid for all that. He looked like a middle management banker or something, but Cougar knew how deceiving looks could be. He acted relaxed and easy, but Cougar could see the tension in his shoulders. He obviously found Cougar and Jensen unpredictable, which could work to their advantage.

Once Sitwell’s coffee arrived, Jensen said, “So what does SHIELD want?”

After stirring in some sugar, Sitwell took a slow, measured sip of his coffee, and replied, “Your talents.”

“Aren’t you afraid we’ll take you guys down like we did the CIA?” Jensen asked, kind of challengingly.

“If we have corruption the size of Max, you should take us down.”

Jensen slanted a look at Cougar, obviously at a loss, and Cougar said, “We are not interested in covert ops at the moment.”

“The world is changing, gentlemen. There are superheroes and other strange forces at work. You might want to rethink your position. Would you really want to be left out when things start happening?” He took another slow sip of his coffee. Cougar thought about what he was saying. It _would_ suck not being on the front lines if something went down. Sitwell didn’t offer specifics, but Cougar had heard through the grapevine about the guy with the hammer from the sky in New Mexico. It made him think, but he didn’t know if it would be worth being a pawn again.

Sitwell continued with, “SHIELD has plenty more to offer people with your skills. There are operations, intelligence, or training divisions where your talents would be appreciated.”

Cougar could see that it was on the tip of Jensen’s tongue to say, “Thanks, but no thanks,” so he nudged Jensen’s hand where it rested on the table to hold him off. An idea was blooming in his mind, so he asked, “Where would these hypothetical jobs be located?”

Sitwell gave Cougar his full focus, since it was obvious he wasn’t getting anywhere with Jensen. “Operations and training are mostly located in New York, while intelligence is scattered. Does this mean you’re considering our offer?”

Cougar tipped his hat slightly, and replied, “Possibly. We would have to talk it over, though.”

Sitwell nodded, and drained his coffee. “Here’s my card. I’ll be looking forward to your call.” He stood up and walked towards the exit, and Cougar’s gaze quickly darted around, making note of those that marked his passing.

Jensen asked, “Cougs?”

Cougar replied, “Later,” and Jensen nodded.

Cougar and Jensen checked out of the hotel, not mentioning SHIELD at all, until they were on the crowded sidewalk heading towards their car. Cougar said, “Call Stark. See if he has the tech to look for bugs. I don’t trust the car.”

Nodding fervently, Jensen flipped out his phone, and replied, “On it.”

He had a quick conversation with Stark, who was apparently adamant that they be scanned once he heard SHIELD had been sniffing around. Cougar liked his paranoia, and while he didn’t quite trust Stark, he trusted him more than a shadowy, quasi-government agency. They’d been burned too badly for that. Tony Stark was at least out and proud about who he was, and what he could do.

Tony Stark met them in the basement parking garage of his building. He was scanning the car before they exited it. After one complete scan of the car and both Jensen and Cougar, Stark said, “Jarvis, anything?”

A disembodied voice responded. “One bug on Mr. Jensen, and a GPS chip on the front bumper of the car. Both now deactivated.”

Stark said, “Ha! Got you, you sons of bitches!” He then rushed to the front bumper to find the bug.

Jensen said, “Holy shit, Jarvis isn’t security, he’s an A.I. Fuck, that is so cool.” He grinned at Cougar, who did not grin back. He didn’t know how much he liked Stark having his own private A.I. snooping around. 

“Bite your tongue! Jarvis is much more than an A.I., and he provides more security than you can imagine.”

The grin slid off Jensen’s face as he said, “And wow, that could be bad in the wrong hands.”

“Jarvis only answers to me.” Stark held up a little electronic device and then he dropped it and stepped on it, with a loud crunching sound. “I’ve seen this tech before. Not interesting, but one down, one to go.” He walked over to Jensen, and began scanning him more closely. Jensen was obviously uncomfortable, but he stood still for it.

Jensen asked, “But the tech and code?”

“Is never leaving me. You’re right. It could be misused too easily.”

Stark stopped on Jensen’s arm, the side that had been next to Sitwell. He pulled off a bug so small, it was almost indistinguishable from a thread, and said, “Well hello, sweetheart. You’re new. Mind if I keep this?”

Jensen looked torn, until he caught Cougar’s look, and said, “Knock yourself out. We don’t want any bugs.” Cougar tipped his hat at Jensen, who just whispered, “But it looks so cool!”

Cougar snorted, and Jensen smiled at him. He said, “You know, the only information SHIELD is going to get is that we went to Tony Stark for help. That might tip them off more than anything.”

Stark said, “This was probably just feelers to make sure you didn’t turn evil. Although they don’t like me, so they might consider this a deal-breaker.”

Jensen turned towards Cougar. “Speaking of deal-breaker, I thought you were interested in NCIS?”

“I am, but if SHIELD is in New York, it might prove more convenient. Plus, NCIS isn’t guaranteed.”

“They’d be idiots not to hire you!”

“Idiots are found everywhere,” Cougar replied wryly.

Interjecting, Stark said, “Ain’t that the truth. And now that I know SHIELD is sniffing around, I think I want to increase the security on your laptop. Come upstairs and I’ll take care of that.”

Jensen got the laptop from the car, and they followed Stark into the elevator, where he used a retinal scanner to gain access to his restricted research floor.

After Stark and Jensen geeked out for a couple hours, with Cougar looking on as thoughts tumbled in his brain about NCIS and SHIELD, they were finally ready to leave for D.C. 

Once home, Jensen quickly became engrossed in investigating Stark’s intranet and the project he was assigned, so over the next couple of weeks Cougar was left to his own devices. He cleaned his guns, went for runs, bought a cookbook, and wondered what was going on with his NCIS application, and SHIELD’s interest in them.

* * *

Sweaty and exhausted after a particularly long run around town, Cougar was just cutting through the park about a mile from the apartment, when he heard someone call out his name. He looked behind him, and Tony, in his own jogging clothes, was sprinting towards him with a smile.

Once close enough that he no longer had to shout, Tony said, “Cougar! Nice to see you again.”

Taking a deep breath to calm his breathing, Cougar replied, “Hi Tony. Good to see you too.”

Tony asked, “Walk with me?” and Cougar nodded his agreement. Tony began walking the paved circuit around the edge of the park, and Cougar followed. After a minute of catching their breaths, Tony continued, “I don’t have much in the way of news about your application, because we got a slew of applicants in the last couple of weeks, so human resources is still sifting through them, but I wanted to reassure you. I’ve seen your application, both Gibbs and I tagged it for fast-tracking, and it’s fine. It’s just bureaucratic stuff holding up the process at this point.”

With a disappointed sigh, Cougar said, “I appreciate the update.”

“I know it isn’t much consolation, but I don’t want you to give up on us.”

Cougar scrubbed a hand through his hair. He was glad to know his application wasn’t sitting forgotten somewhere, but at the same time he was growing restless. “I do have some other interested parties, but NCIS remains my first choice. Jensen is working for Tony Stark, though, so he won’t be applying.”

Tony let out a long whistle. “Tony Stark, huh? That’s some pretty big shoes to follow, but I guess if anyone could keep up with Tony Stark, it would be Jensen.”

“I always thought it was more the other way around. Stark would be lucky to keep up with Jensen.”

Grinning at him, Tony let out a chuckle. “You could be right. I’ve read some of the congressional transcripts. Jensen is a force to be reckoned with.”

“You read the transcripts?” Cougar didn’t know how he felt about that. It was weird thinking that their time after Max framed them was now out there for public consumption.

“Just parts. I wanted to get a better feel for you guys and what you could do. It helped when Gibbs and I talked to the director. We could use specifics to toot your horn.”

A bit stunned to realize his application had made its way up to the Director of NCIS, Cougar said, “You really did fast track the application.”

“Of course! I wouldn’t lead you astray. Like I said, things would be moving faster but HR is swamped, and these things take time to sort out. So don’t give up hope yet, seriously.”

“Thanks. I appreciate the good word.” They had reached the part of the path where they had started, and Tony started jogging in place. Before he could leave, Cougar asked, “Would you like to come to our place for dinner sometime? I’m learning to cook.”

“That would be great! How about Friday night? Gives you time to work out a menu.” Tony winked at him.

Giving a small chuckle back, Cougar said, “Friday is great for us.”

With a final nod and a wave, Tony said, “Text me your address,” and headed back around the path, at a good clip this time. At a slower pace Cougar headed towards the street, and the way home.

Once back in the apartment, he checked in with Jensen who babbled at him in incomprehensible geek speak, which was good enough to show he was happy, and then he jumped in the shower.

Afterwards, dressed again in jeans and a t-shirt, as he was drying his hair with a towel, his phone rang. Dropping the towel around his shoulders, he picked up his phone from the crate he was using as a bedside table, and checked the caller ID. It was Sitwell so Cougar answered it with a wry tone. “Yes?”

“Hello, Mr. Alvarez. I wondered if you had a few minutes to spare to talk.”

“I’m listening.”

“I fear we got off on the wrong foot.”

“Bugging people will do that.”

“That was just a precautionary measure, and I admit showed bad faith on our end. Can we talk again, no tricks? I understand that Mr. Jensen has procured employment, but I believe we could still offer you a wealth of opportunities.”

Cougar gave it some thought. With NCIS stalled and not a sure thing, he didn’t want to write off SHIELD preemptively. He didn’t want to be left with no options. He also admitted that it felt good to be wanted. “I’m open to talking.”

“Great! Will you be in New York City again, or should I send somebody to D.C.?” Cougar didn’t wonder at them knowing where he lived. SHIELD had obviously continued to do their research.

“I’ll be in New York on Monday. I can talk in the late afternoon.” Jensen had coordinated with a realtor, and she was lining up places for them to view on Sunday and Monday. Clay had come through with a movie deal for the Losers’ story, and with the fat advances they had all received after signing the rights away, Jensen could afford to buy a place. Cougar wanted to be with Jensen for the viewings, but he could spare an hour, since Jensen would want to speak to Stark, he was sure.

They agreed to a time and place and exchanged good-byes. Cougar hung up the phone contemplatively. He wondered what SHIELD had in mind since it didn’t sound like Sitwell would be his contact again. Shrugging, he let it go. He would find out soon enough.

* * *

By Friday, Cougar was having mixed feelings. He hated the thought of Jensen moving to New York City without him, but on the other hand, he finally got a call from NCIS, setting up a phone screening interview for late the following week. This made him feel like he had a life outside of Jensen, which all things considered, he figured was healthy. 

Still, he felt pulled in both directions. He knew moving to New York and working for SHIELD would mean they could move together, but he wasn’t sure that was the best idea. He caught himself giving Jensen appraising looks, and he feared his feelings for Jensen went deeper than he was willing to admit. On the NCIS front, he still wanted to be that kind of positive force in the world, which he didn’t think he would get working for SHIELD, at least not so directly. Plus, at least he would be able to talk about his NCIS work with his family, while SHIELD would probably be classified.

Shaking his head, he dropped all thoughts of his future. He had a dinner to prepare. He had decided to make roasted chicken for dinner tonight with Tony. It was simple, if time-consuming, and was one of his first successes. Cougar was looking forward to dinner, in all honesty. He liked Tony’s easy manner, and friendliness. In mannerisms, he reminded Cougar of Jensen, which was a bonus in his book, and he liked the way Tony and Jensen interacted. The conversation flowed with no extra effort from him, but they both still managed to make him feel like part of the group. 

So when early Friday afternoon rolled around, Cougar made a list, and went grocery shopping for supplies. Once back home, he cajoled Jensen into helping him get the groceries from the car, which was enough to capture Jensen’s interest away from his computer, and he asked, “What are we having for dinner?”

“Roasted chicken.”

“With that awesome gravy? And your special mashed potatoes?”

“Yes.”

Cougar smiled as Jensen fist-pumped the air, and said, “Yes!” He then directed Jensen in putting everything away. Jensen had eaten all of Cougar’s attempts at cooking, both good and bad, but he hadn’t really ventured into the kitchen otherwise. He knew where the poptarts were, and that was it. Cougar worried about him living on his own in New York, but he knew that had more to do with his own feelings, rather than Jensen’s ability to take care of himself.

Once everything was put away, Cougar set up his laptop on the counter, and found his bookmarks for the recipes he needed. Jensen had abandoned his work for the day, and was sitting on a bar stool by the pass-through to the dining room chatting about his progress. They had finally gotten the stools, and a real table and chairs after their New York trip, once Cougar started cooking. Cougar didn’t want to eat his hard work on folding chairs while holding a paper plate aloft.

Preheating the oven, Cougar began prepping the chicken, as Jensen talked. It was comfortable and comforting, and Cougar tried to enjoy the moment, and not think too hard about the future and the lack of Jensen in his. Once the chicken was in the oven, he got two beers from the fridge, gave one to Jensen, and sitting next to him, took a sip. He had a few minutes before he had to peel the potatoes, and the broccoli could wait until almost the end.

Jensen said, “Thanks. I don’t know what I’ll do when you aren’t feeding me anymore. Or rather, I know what I’ll do, but take-out doesn’t sound appealing anymore.”

“You could always learn how to cook too.”

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen. I’d get caught up coding, and then I’d forget I had something in the oven, and burn the apartment down. I know myself too well.”

“You’re not that bad, not when you don’t want to be.”

“Yeah, but that’s the thing. I want you there to cook for me. I don’t want to do it by myself.” Jensen even pouted at him when he finished talking.

Cougar didn’t voice his own want of the same thing, because he knew it wasn’t exactly the same thing to both of them. Still, unable to resist, Cougar pushed Jensen’s head playfully, letting the soft feel of Jensen’s hair tickle his palm. Jensen laughed, and Cougar smiled, and they were good again. Cougar said, “Help me peel the potatoes.”

Cougar turned on the radio to a rock station, and he cajoled Jensen into helping him prepare the meal, and into setting the table. He’d never been happier.

Finally the oven timer dinged, and he took the chicken out, and made the gravy. He was exactly on time, since the broccoli just finished streaming, and he was putting the dinner rolls in the oven when the intercom squawked. Jensen went to let Tony in, and Cougar did some last minute clean-up.

Cougar could hear Jensen greeting Tony and then, "Dude, you brought us wine? We're not that fancy, honest."

Tony replied, "Well, Cougar mentioned he was cooking, so I figured an occasion like that deserved some appreciation."

"I know what you’re doing. You're sucking up so that he'll feed you again. I can see right through you, you know, and I'm totally jealous because I’ll be in New York soon, and nobody will be cooking for me."

Tony laughed, and said, "Well, yeah. I'm not stupid. A home-cooked meal is always appreciated."

Cougar left the kitchen and entered the living room and dining room combo, nodding to Tony who was still by the door. He said, "Take Tony's coat, Jensen."

Jensen waved his hand at Cougar dismissively, but still took the bag with the wine and the coat from Tony. Jensen smirked at Cougar, and said, "Did you see the fancy wine Tony brought? I don't even know if it goes with chicken, that's above my pay grade, but I plan on enjoying it anyway."

"There's actually two bottles in there, one red and one white, so we can pick the right one," Tony said. Jensen whooped, and Tony laughed. Tony continued, "I think Jensen will be enjoying both bottles before the night is out, regardless of what we’re eating."

With a stern look, Cougar said, "He better enjoy the meal first."

Pouting, Jensen said, "Spoilsport."

Cougar just smirked, and waved Tony further into the room. "The meal is ready if we want to eat."

Walking over to the table, Tony said, "It smells delicious; chicken right?"

"Roasted chicken and mashed potatoes," Cougar said.

"The white should go nicely with that. Let me open it up and pour. This way the wine can breathe while in the glasses for a bit while you serve everybody. We can drink the red for dessert." He then winked at Jensen who grinned back. Cougar just shook his head. 

They didn't have wine glasses, so Jensen gave Tony tumblers, and as Tony poured the wine, Cougar took the rolls out of the oven, and filled plates for the three of them. He had Jensen get the butter, salt, and pepper, and they were ready to sit down after only a couple minutes.

Jensen took the first bite, and moaned obscenely. Slurring with his mouth full, he said, "You have to tell me how you get this to taste so good. It's like heaven in my mouth."

Tony had better manners, and didn't talk, just pointed at Jensen as if to say, "What he said."

Cougar smiled. It felt good to be appreciated for something so mundane, and he realized he better understood his mother and her pride in her cooking. Doing good for people, even a little thing like feeding them, was addicting. Resolving to give her a call, and to try and be a better son, but letting the thought go for now, Cougar said, "It’s simple enough, but I’m glad you enjoyed it."

Jensen and Tony went back to devouring their meal; Cougar eating slightly slower. Talk was halted until they were on seconds. Then the conversation flowed as it tended to do between Jensen and Tony. They discussed movies Tony had seen, how Jensen was enjoying working for Stark, and Cougar’s cooking successes and failures.

Once everyone had eaten their fill, Tony opened the second bottle of wine, Cougar broke out the brownies he had bought at the store, and everyone relaxed further.

* * *

Cougar drove again for this trip to New York. They left early enough on Sunday to avoid all traffic, and were pulling into New York City by eleven a.m. They met the realtor, and began the long trek around the city looking at places. 

Unfortunately while Jensen had been specific about the features inside the apartment (fiber optic/cablemodem availability being the most important part), he had left location up to the realtor, so they traveled all over the city looking places over. Settling in their hotel room, Jensen collapsed face-down on the bed and mumble, “My feet hurt like I’m in Basic again. Who’s bright idea was this?”

Cougar just settled into the desk chair with a deep sigh. He was exhausted too. “We should narrow them down for tomorrow. I would love to knock TriBeCa off the list entirely. That’s too far down.”

Rolling over, Jensen said, “Oh my god, yes. I think the novelty of the subway is going to wear off fast. Midtown and higher should be sufficiently close to Stark headquarters.”

“But not Harlem.”

“Yeah, that is also too far away. So Upper Manhattan is out too. How about Midtown and the Upper East/West side?”

Cougar threw his phone to Jensen. “Call the realtor and have them narrow down the choices. I’m not doing this again tomorrow.”

Jensen nodded fervently, and called the realtor. Cougar assumed she was probably happy they had made some adjustments too. She had looked worn thin by the time they were done for the day.

The next day was more of the same, except the places were more centralized, thankfully. It wasn’t until close to two that Jensen stopped in the middle of the current apartment and said, “Huh.” Cougar, who had been checking out the kitchen, turned around. Sounding slightly surprised, Jensen said, “I like it. I like it a lot.”

Cougar looked at the place with fresh eyes. There were high ceilings, a large bedroom, and a narrow living room and kitchen combo. Above the kitchen was a loft with built-in shelves and desk area. It was painted an unfortunate yellow and green combination, but that could be changed easily enough. The kitchen was decent, by far not the smallest they had seen on their search. It was the sixth floor with a doorman, so no easy access for burglars, and checking out the sightlines, Cougar could see that no one had a good view into the apartment. There was a building across the street, but it was lower, and the roof could be seen clearly. No hiding there.

Cougar nodded, and said, “It’ll do.”

Jensen looked spooked as he replied, “Yeah?”

Raising his eyebrow, Cougar frowned at Jensen. Why was he doubting it now? Jensen shrugged and looked sheepish. “Just makes it more real that I’m moving to a posh New York City co-op. I never even dreamed that would happen. We were sleeping in warehouses just a couple months ago.”

The realtor was discreet, and had moved to the other room to make a call once it was apparent that this might be the place. Cougar appreciated the awareness. He stepped closer to Jensen. “It’s still a good thing, yes?”

Shaking his shoulders as if to loosen his tension, Jensen said, “Yeah, yeah, it is. I just suddenly found myself imagining living in this place in particular, and it was good, you know? And that freaked me out. I’m good now, though.”

Cougar searched Jensen’s face, and finally nodded his approval when Jensen met his gaze unflinchingly. He got Jensen’s panic. He was feeling a little panicked himself. The place was nice, but not huge. Jensen couldn’t afford a huge Manhattan apartment, no matter how posh this one was compared to where they had been living. Cougar just wasn’t sure there was room for him in the place. He assumed he would be sleeping on the hypothetical couch, but the living room was narrow and small. How big a couch could realistically fit? Sleeping in the bed with Jensen, on the other hand, was just asking for trouble. Cougar was afraid to go there.

Obviously sensing their accord, Mary the realtor stepped back into the room and asked, “So would you like to put in an offer?”

Jensen nodded, and clapped his hands together. “Let’s get this ball rolling.”

Once his mind was made up, Jensen didn’t dither over the price or conditions. Just picked a figure he thought was reasonable, and put in the condition of a home inspection. Cougar was glad. He would have hated having it drawn out.

Mary was obviously pleased too, and as they said good-bye, she promised to call within twenty-four hours.

Once back on the sidewalk, Jensen said, “I’d love to celebrate, but I have a meeting with Stark, and you have that SHIELD thing. Maybe afterwards for dessert?”

Cougar tipped his hat, and nodded. He said, “I’m meeting SHIELD at a diner out in Brooklyn, so I should head out. I’ll call when we’re done.”

“Yeah, you don’t want to be late. Better to have the lay of the land. So I’ll see you at the hotel afterwards?”

Cougar nodded again, and headed off to the subway, while Jensen took off at a good clip down the opposite street towards Stark’s headquarters.

By the time he made it to Brooklyn, it was nearing the meeting time agreed upon, so Cougar mentally shrugged at the lost opportunity to case the place. He entered the diner, and zeroed in on a man in the corner booth, who was giving him a once over. Cougar knew a fellow sniper when he saw one. The man was far too observant despite his casual air to be anything else. 

Cougar headed towards the booth, and the man straightened up from his slouch, removing his boots from the opposite seat just as Cougar came abreast of it. Cougar smoothly slid into the seat, and asked for coffee when the waitress followed him with a menu.

The guy said, “So I’m Clint, and you must be Alvarez.”

Cougar nodded once, scrutinizing Clint as closely as Clint was looking him over.

Clint said, “So I’ve seen your record. You’re pretty good.”

Cougar let the implication that Clint was better, pass. He said, “I don’t know who you are.” Snipers, particularly military snipers, constituted a small world. For Cougar not to know Clint, was odd.

Clint grimaced slightly, and then his face smoothed out. “Yeah, I didn’t exactly come up through normal channels.”

Cougar raised an eyebrow, and took a sip of his coffee. He was short on virtues, could never be called a virtuous man, but patience had always been easy.

As the silence lengthened, Clint shifted, and Cougar almost smiled. He would definitely win at waiting. Finally, Clint shrugged nonchalantly, but Cougar could see the uncomfortableness hidden underneath. “I was in the circus.”

Cougar stopped with his coffee halfway to his mouth. That was unexpected. He remembered the circuses from his youth, and the daring and defiant acts that composed them. He looked at Clint again, who was meeting his gaze easily, as if he had heard it all before, and was just waiting for Cougar’s snide remark, and reconsidered this man. A sniper had to be many things, patience was only one part of it. They also had to be willing to take the impossible shot and fail, because otherwise, any Joe Shmoe could do what they did. Thinking and discarding many questions and statements, Cougar settled on, “Did you shoot from horses?”

Clint blinked first. “Well, yeah. And trapezes.”

Cougar offered, “I hate shooting from horseback. Too unpredictable.”

Smiling with a show of sharp teeth, Clint shot back, “That’s why I liked it.”

Satisfied, Cougar switched topics. “So you like SHIELD.”

“Yeah. They offered me a way out.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to ask, “A way out of what,” but Cougar held back the question at the last second. He wasn’t sure Clint would answer, and this wasn’t about Clint anyways. It was about SHIELD. Instead he asked, “Do you think you are doing good?”

He could see surprise flicker across Clint’s face, but then Clint was leaning forward. “As you and I both know, the world is a dirty, harsh place. I do think I’m doing good, even if others would disagree. Not everything can be solved peaceably. Sometimes bad men need to be taken out, as you’re well aware.”

Cougar sipped his coffee slowly, and thought about Clint and his role in SHIELD. Clint was drinking his own coffee, and waving to the waitress for more, so Cougar took his time. He did agree that bad men sometimes needed to be taken out, he had done that for years with a relatively clear conscience after all, but after Bolivia, he just didn’t know if he was that guy any more. Scrutinizing Clint, he could see Clint was at peace, and it was that peace that was enticing, not the job.

But if NCIS didn’t pan out, this job might be the only one on the table. He sighed, catching Clint’s attention. “Do you have a good team?”

Clint grinned wholeheartedly, the smile transforming his face. “The best.” Growing more serious, he leaned forward. “I can’t guarantee that SHIELD is right for you. I ‘m just here as a favor to Sitwell, I don’t really know your story besides what’s in the papers, and in your service record. But if you want to do good in the world on a global scale, in a world that is changing daily in new and frightening ways, then SHIELD is the place to be.”

Nodding, Cougar said, “I’ll be in touch.”

Surprise again passed over Clint’s face, and he said, “That’s it? You’re a hard man to figure, Alvarez.”

Standing up, Cougar tipped his hat and gave Clint a Gaelic shrug and a cryptic smile, before walking the length of the diner to the exit. He might share his thoughts with Jensen, but he was special. Cougar certainly wasn’t going to unburden his heart to a stranger with an agenda not driven by Cougar’s well-being. As he was leaving, a red-head caught his eye. He looked back at Clint, who was staring after him in stupefaction, and turned back to nod at the red-head when she caught his eye. He had a feeling Clint had brought back-up to this meeting, like Sitwell had. It highlighted how dangerous and unpredictable SHIELD was, and how they viewed him and his danger-level, which was another point against it. Cougar was looking for a more black-and-white purpose, and people who believed in his desire to do good.

* * *

After they returned to D.C., things really started moving forward. Jensen had to prepare a whole bunch of financial reports and an application for the Co-op Board of his new place before he could purchase it, while Cougar passed his HR interview with flying colors, and had two separate interviews set up, one with NCIS recruiting officers, and the other with the Director himself.

Cougar watched silently as Jensen got more and more excited about his apartment and New York City, while also more and more frustrated with all the paperwork. Cougar was glad to see Jensen happy, but he still wished they weren’t separating. At the same time, his feelings for Jensen were boiling to the surface continuously, much more than they had been before, and a part of him was relieved Jensen would soon be gone, and so wouldn’t catch on. He would find himself ogling Jensen while cleaning his gun and Jensen worked on the computer, or smiling helplessly at him in the grocery store when he made the vegetables dance and gave them silly voices. 

He was a wreck by the time Jensen had to go back to New York City for his co-op board interview, although he didn’t let it show. He just got more quiet, which Jensen filled with endless chatter. Jensen ranted and raved because Cougar’s interview with the Director of NCIS was at the same time, so Jensen couldn’t listen in the way Cougar had promised. Cougar just shrugged, but was secretly relieved. He wanted to make the most of this interview, and Jensen listening would be distracting.

The morning of his interview, Cougar dressed in his new suit, and felt like an imposter. He looked in the mirror, and wondered if he had the ability to mask how uncomfortable he was. Grimacing at his awkward slouch, he straightened his shoulders, and nodded firmly at himself. If Jensen was here, he would be laughing at Cougar and making jokes, but also contrarily making Cougar feel right in his skin again.

Looking at his phone, and then his watch, he realized he didn’t have time to call Jensen and have him calm his nerves by making jokes and random asides. Shrugging, he resettled the suit jacket and grabbed his wallet.

He was escorted through the bullpen at NCIS, which was painted an unfortunate orange. He saw Tony and Gibbs having a discussion, but only Gibbs saw him, and nodded slightly before Cougar was being escorted up the stairs.

He was left with the Director’s secretary who asked if he wanted coffee or anything while he waited. He shook his head, and settled stiffly on the couch. After ten minutes of silence except for typing, which actually kind of soothed Cougar after years spent in close proximity to Jensen, the secretary said, “The Director will see you now.”

Cougar nodded to her, and offered a small smile as he passed her and entered the Director’s office.

A sharply dressed African-American man stood up and held out his hand. “I’m Director Vance. You must be Carlos Alvarez.”

“Yes, sir.” Cougar shook his hand, careful to moderate his grip to fit the Director’s firm, but not too hard handshake.

“Have a seat.”

After Cougar got settled, Director Vance said, “So Mr. Alvarez, I’ve read your file, and know your background as does half the world now, but what I am not clear on is why you have chosen to pursue a career in law enforcement. I would think your talents were better served elsewhere.”

Cougar gathered his thoughts, and reminding himself not to be too laconic, said, “My talents with a sniper rifle are not all I have to offer, and are not what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. I always knew I would hang up my rifle sometime, that was why I pursued the degree in criminal justice. I might not have anticipated how things turned out, or the timing of the change, but it is time to move forward.”

“And a career with NCIS would be moving forward?”

Leaning forward, letting the passion he felt influence his voice, Cougar tried to get Director Vance to see him as he was now, not what was in his record. “It would for me. I believe in finding the justice we had to fight for ourselves for other service men and women.”

“And if the service man or woman were part of the problem?”

“I don’t believe in corruption.”

Vance leaned back, and his fingers made a steeple in front of his mouth. “You’re not what I expected considering your history, and the two agents who spoke up for you. I was expecting more of a cowboy, to be honest.”

Cougar knew this was the crucial question. Taking a second to frame his answer he said, “My record would show a soldier good at following orders, and good at completing the mission before the tragedy that happened in Bolivia. And while I am eternally grateful for DiNozzo’s and Gibbs’ recommendations and advice, I am my own man, and will follow my own conscience.”

Vance nodded, and his eyes never wavered from Cougar’s face, but he turned tack on his questioning and began asking specific questions about Cougar’s resume, and his education. Cougar knew he had to stay on his toes, but felt he had passed some crucial test.

* * *

By the time Jensen returned from New York City, Cougar had already been hired by NCIS. They wanted him to start FLETC in Georgia the next week since a class was starting up, which was why it was so sudden. When he got the call, he was so relieved that he slumped down and rested his head on the counter, because his knees wouldn’t hold him up anymore. He kept his voice steady, but his heart was beating double-time. 

He was happy when Sitwell from SHIELD called, and he could tell him the news. It made it seem more real that his life was about to change.

Cougar just had time to say good-bye to Jensen, and pack before leaving. Besides being happy that Cougar had gotten the job he wanted, Jensen was miffed that Cougar was leaving first. As he dropped Cougar off at the airport he said, “It’s not fair you’re leaving first. This is too soon; I wasn’t prepared. Who’s going to help me move my stuff?”

“You don’t have much stuff to move.”

“It’s the principle of the thing!” Jensen was smiling again, so Cougar knew they were all right. Jensen said, “So celebratory dinner after you complete training?”

“Of course.”

Cougar nodded, and tipped his hat. He got out of the car, and got his bag from the backseat. Jensen waved good-bye, sticking around until Cougar made it inside the building, like Cougar would get lost.

The flight was uneventful, and Cougar made it to the training center with time to spare. He was pleased to see that they had semi-private rooms, so he would have to deal with only one roommate in his down-time, and not the whole class. Considering the program lasted for well over two months, it was a real relief.

Amazingly enough, once training started the next day, Cougar found he was one of the better students in the class. He had expected that to be the case for the physically challenging parts of the program, but he was top in his criminal investigation classes as well, which both surprised and thrilled him. All those years sitting next to Jensen as he mumbled his way through forensic accounting of drug-dealer money, or with Clay and Roque as they studied surveillance photos and planned ops, had paid off.

Cougar’s critical thinking was at its all-time best, and he routinely was seeing possibilities that others missed. This didn’t endear him to most of the other students, except the other stellar one, a five foot nothing women with long blonde hair named Sarah. When they teamed up, nothing got in their way. Unfortunately she was an FBI trainee.

Cougar was even amused when on their first day of physical training, their instructor paired Cougar up with one of the biggest and dumbest trainees out there. This guy, Nick Weston, wasn’t doing as well in the classes as Cougar, and had taken one look at Cougar’s clean-shaven face and slight frame, and assumed he was a weakling who would crumble when physical training started. He had taken to bumping into Cougar, and making snide comments. Cougar could barely hold his amusement when the instructor had called out, “Alvarez and Weston.”

Weston was smirking up a storm, and flexing his muscles, while Cougar just crouched a little onto the balls of his feet. When the instructor called, “Start,” Cougar moved, and within thirty seconds had Weston belly down on the floor with his arm twisted back almost enough to break, and Cougar’s knee planted in his lower back. 

At a staying hand from the instructor, Cougar didn’t let him up right away. The instructor calmly stepped forward and crouched down to their level. In a carrying voice, he asked, “So Alvarez, how long were you special forces?”

“Thirteen years.”

“Uh, huh,” The instructor’s gaze ranged over the group, which was stunned into silence, but then landed on Weston’s furiously red face inches from his own. “Never assume that just because someone is smaller than you and has a baby face, that they aren’t dangerous. Got it, Weston?”

Weston gasped out, “Got it, sir.”

The instructor said, “Let him up,” so Cougar released his arm, and bounced back into a fighting crouch. He couldn’t resist smirking at Weston, and when Weston took a step forward, Cougar raised his eyebrow, and made a “Come at me” gesture. He was ready. Luckily for Weston, the instructor was watching and said, “Weston, if you’re really stupid enough to try your hand again, then go for it, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Weston stopped moving, but the scowl didn’t leave his face the rest of the day. Cougar didn’t stop smirking, although he knew he had made an enemy. He wasn’t too worried though. He had taken down Max, in comparison a guy like Weston was nothing.

Even better than being the best, Cougar was having fun learning. It was like solving puzzles, and tricking witnesses into revealing more than they wanted, which engaged his mind and all his skills. He could see the real-world applications of his training, and he was eager to start his new career and see how it all worked in the field. 

Cougar still got up earlier than most, and his roommate just rolled over with a grunt when Cougar started moving about their room before dawn. He was a decent guy named Mike who had joined the FBI. 

Up early to beat the heat, Cougar was keeping up with his parkour practice. Although there wasn’t much about the campus and it ended up being more of a run than anything, he made the most of the obstacles he could find. He had started out running alone, but as the weeks went by, people started joining him. First it was Sarah, and then a couple of the other trainees, and finally even one of the instructors. 

The only downside to the training was the longer it lasted, the more fiercely he missed Jensen.

He was beginning to realize that what he felt for Jensen wasn’t just a passing crush. He finally admitted that he was in love with Jensen, if only to himself. He was also beginning to realize he could lose Jensen if he wasn’t careful. He had started training with upwards of thirty texts a day from Jensen, but they had tapered off until it was only five a day or so. Cougar had responded where he could, but it was nowhere near the volume of Jensen’s texts. He realized with their separation, he and Jensen would drift apart unless some changes were made. He didn’t want that. He just had to figure out what to say to make sure it didn’t come to pass.

He also realized that although he didn’t know if Jensen was straight or bi or whatever, he did know that Jensen didn’t hold people’s feelings against them. Cougar wasn’t a coward, and he knew that there was nothing holding him back from declaring his feelings now that he knew what they were.

* * *

Carlos wanted to do it in person, which was turning out to be hard to manage. While he had been in Georgia, Jensen had moved to New York after getting approval from his new co-op, and once Cougar was back in D.C. he was dumped right into NCIS orientation and then a new team with a hot case. A free weekend where he wasn’t on call was impossible his first month back. Jensen was also working on an important project for Stark, and didn’t feel he could leave for a weekend.

At least they were talking more. Cougar made it a priority to call Jensen every couple of days. Jensen babbled at him about everything under the sun, and Cougar basked in his attention, even if he didn’t say much.

At least Cougar knew he had made the right decision, going with NCIS. He was learning how to process crime scenes and interview witnesses and suspects, and putting the pieces together to solve the crime, and enjoying it immensely. He was the new guy, so got all the shit tasks and he didn’t even mind that. He felt such a rush when they discovered new information to help crack the case; it felt like this job used all of his skills, both mental and physical, which was amazing.

Finally Cougar and his new team solved the case, and their weekend suddenly became free. Without overthinking it, Cougar texted Jensen and told him he would be coming to New York. Jensen just texted back twenty or so exclamation marks, and Cougar couldn’t have stopped his wide smile if he had tried.

Not wanting to deal with traffic considering it was Friday night, Cougar took Amtrak up to New York. He walked the twenty or so blocks from Penn Station, and greeting the doorman, Cougar asked for Jensen to be notified he was there. The doorman nodded, and Cougar felt a frisson of excitement at finally being this close to Jensen again. 

It had been a long three months.

The doorman nodded towards the elevator, and Cougar nodded back and took the lift to the sixth floor. Jensen was half hanging out his door with a huge smile when the elevator opened. Cougar was already smiling back.

Jensen said, “Cougar! You’re a sight for sore eyes. I can’t believe how long it’s been. I’ve missed you, man.”

A bit choked up by the emotions crashing into him at seeing Jensen’s smiling face, Cougar just nodded, and pulled Jensen into a tight hug. Jensen hugged back, patting him on the back a couple times, and began to chuckle the longer Cougar went without letting go. Still he just said, “Aww, Cougs, you missed me too, huh,” and held on, until Cougar stepped back, adjusting his hat minutely to hide his face for a second so he could get himself under control.

Jensen clapped him on the back one last time, and said, “Come inside and see what I’ve done with the place. I’m excited to know what you think.” Guiding him by the shoulder, Jensen led him into the apartment, and curious, Cougar looked around. The apartment was still mainly painted yellow, but red and brown accents had been added to make it more southwestern, instead of country kitchen. 

The narrow living room and kitchen combo was still small, particularly since Jensen had bought a long, overstuffed, brown, leather couch that took up most of the room, but it made it look comfortable and lived in. There was a rumpled blanket on the back of the couch, and a gaming console underneath the TV mounted on the opposite half-wall.

Looking up towards the loft, Cougar could see the new color scheme extended up there, and the glow of Jensen’s computer monitor. Peeking into the bedroom, there was a large bed, a couple of dressers with pictures displayed prominently, and dirty clothes piled in the corner.

Jensen said, “I know it’s kind of late, but I’m guessing you didn’t eat on the train. We could order in Chinese?”

“That would be great.”

Placing the order, Jensen then threw himself down on the couch, patting the cushion next to him, until Cougar took off his hat, and settled next to him with a sigh. Jensen said, “The best thing so far about New York is that every place delivers, and some do it all night long. When I get a craving at 3 a.m. and am dying for Thai, I can get it delivered, you know?”

“I still say you should learn to cook.”

“And I still say that’s what I have you for.”

They grinned at each other at the old argument, until Jensen turned away with a chuckle and a bit of a blush on his cheeks. Turning back, he said, “So tell me about your case and NCIS. Is it all you wanted it to be?”

Cougar leaned back further into his slouch, and told Jensen about the case, and about his feelings for NCIS. He talked more than he had in months, but it felt good to get it all out to an attentive audience, whose opinion he valued. Jensen asked leading questions, and seemed complete entranced until the ringing of the intercom disturbed them and made him jump.

He said, “Must be our food. I’ll be right back. Plates and silverware are in the kitchen.”

Jensen headed down to the lobby, and Cougar found plates and forks, and set the table. Coming back laden with bags of food, Jensen settled the cartons in the middle of the table, and they ate until they were fill. Or overfilled in Jensen’s case, as he moaned about eating too much. Cougar just laughed at him, which seemed to be what Jensen was aiming for.

Cougar yawned, and Jensen looked at the clock. “Damn, it’s after 2 a.m. No wonder you’re tired. Time for bed, yeah?”

Just nodding, Cougar stood up, stretching for good measure. He then helped Jensen clean up, and put the remaining food in the refrigerator, noting how bare it was, and clucking at Jensen. Jensen said, “I know! It’s sad how little I have in the fridge. This is why I need more Cougar in my life. Three months apart is too long.”

Feeling soothed at Jensen’s words, Cougar smiled at him, and said, “Yeah, it is.”

Jensen found some sheets and a pillow, and they made a bed on the couch for Cougar. Jensen had tried to offer up his bed, but Cougar shot that down in a hurry. He only wanted to be in Jensen’s bed when Jensen was in it too.

Settled on the couch, which was comfortable, Cougar fell asleep easily, which was surprising considering he planned to tell Jensen about his feelings the next day, when they were both fresh. But he was less worried than he had been when he was alone in D.C. Here and now, when he looked at Jensen, he found Jensen looking back at him fondly. That was enough to give him hope.

* * *

Cougar woke up first the next morning, and got coffee started. He still had to wait a couple of hours before Jensen stumbled out of his room, looking half-asleep still. Cougar had been thinking and rethinking how to broach the subject, so he watched silently as Jensen got a cup of coffee, and then slumped at the table across from Cougar. Taking a long sip, and sighing in pleasure, Jensen finally opened his eyes the whole way, and smiled at Cougar. “I’m so happy you’re here, Cougs. Any idea what you want to do today? There is still some furniture shopping I want to do. Buy some bookshelves.”

Cagily, Cougar said, “I have some ideas. Not shopping.”

Jensen raised his eyebrow, and hummed. Perceptive as always, he said, “So you gonna share with the class, or do I have to wheedle it out of you? You know I can do it.”

Cougar snorted. “You could wheedle ice out of a desert.”

Jensen beamed at him. “I knew you appreciated me! That’s one of the nicest things anyone has said.”

Cougar smiled back, and said, “You’re one of the best people I know, of course I appreciate you.”

“Damn, Cougs, you really know how to shut a guy up.” Jensen looked ridiculously pleased, and Cougar was happy he could put that look on Jensen’s face. “So, anyway, plans for the day. I cleared my calendar. I‘m all yours.”

Cougar, in a last minute fit of nerves, was tempted to deflect, or just kiss Jensen and avoid speaking entirely like usual, but he knew Jensen was too important to him to treat this so cavalierly. Jensen deserved the words.

So never having been a coward, Cougar put down his coffee cup, and placed his hands on the table. Jensen, obviously sensing that this was important, asked, “Cougs?”

Watching Jensen’s face closely, Cougar said, “All morning… actually all the time we’ve been apart, I’ve been trying to figure out how to say I love you. I finally figured out that I should just say it, and not fancy it up. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Jensen mouth hung open, and then snapped shut with a click. He asked, “Can you repeat that?” which made Cougar glare at him. He continued, “No, honestly! I’m not being a smart-ass. I honestly think I’m hallucinating.”

Confused and a little upset that his declaration got crazy nonsense in return, exasperatedly, Cougar asked, “Why would you hallucinate me saying “I love you’?”

“Because I’ve done it before! Okay, it’s never been this realistic, but maybe I’m having a psychotic break!”

Seeing the naked emotion on Jensen’s face, Cougar began to hope again. He said, “Jensen,” but then decided that was too impersonal so he softened his voice, and changed it to, “Jake. You’re not having a psychotic break. I love you. I’m kind of hoping all the histrionics means you love me too.”

“Of course I love you! You’ve been it for me for years! I just assumed I never stood a chance.”

Taking one of Jensen’s flailing hands in his, Cougar held on tight. Deciding that total honesty was the way to go, Cougar said, “It’s only been the last six months or so for me, so maybe it was good you didn’t say anything, I would have hated to mess this up. You’re it for me too.”

“Jesus, Cougar, are you sure I’m still not dreaming?” Joy was blooming on Jensen’s face, and Cougar just smiled at him. He knew he didn’t need any more words at this point. Standing, he tugged on Jensen’s hand, pulling him up, and into an embrace. Tilting his face up, he slid his other hand onto Jensen’s shoulder, and pulled Jensen down into a sweet, closed-mouthed kiss. Pulling back, he watched as Jensen’s eyelashes fluttered, and as he breathed out a soft sigh. Jensen then smiled radiantly at him, and wrapping both hands around Cougar’s face, kissed him ardently.

Cougar lost track of time then, as they kissed and kissed.

By the time they broke apart, panting, Jensen was hard against his hip, and Cougar was just as excited. Leaning his forehead on Cougar’s, Jensen said, “Not shopping indeed. So was it always your plan to spend the weekend in bed?”

Cougar grinned. “I have good plans, yes?”

“The best, Cougs, the absolute best. I say there’s no time like the present to make it a reality.” He then began to frog-march Cougar backwards towards the bedroom, all the while kissing him in random places. Cougar relaxed, and let Jensen lead.

Jensen eventually tripped Cougar onto the bed, and then placed his hands on Cougar’s belt buckle. He asked, “All right?”

Cougar rolled his eyes, and said, “Of course,” as he stripped off his t-shirt.

Jensen made quick work of his belt and zipper, cupping him gently as he tugged on Cougar’s opened jeans. Cougar thrust up into Jensen’s grip, and huffed out a laugh as Jensen took the opportunity to tug down his jeans. Cougar helped kick off his pants and underwear. Jensen, who had just been in boxers and a ratty t-shirt, stripped quickly and then crawled onto Cougar, licking a stripe up Cougar’s abs.

Cougar, not in any rush now, kind of in the mood to savor everything, let Jensen do as he pleased. Which was to pepper kisses and licks all over Cougar’s body, while mumbling endearments. Cougar enjoyed Jensen’s attentions, while running his hands through Jensen’s hair, and along his broad shoulders, returning kisses whenever Jensen leaned up for one. 

Jensen was sucking kisses from Cougar’s knee along his inner thigh towards his groin, bending Cougar’s leg out to make more room for Jensen’s bulk, and Cougar, strung out from the burn, missed Jensen’s last words. This was apparently bad because Jensen stopped. Whining high in his throat, Cougar blinked his eyes open, and looked down at Jensen’s happy face. Hoarsely, Cougar asked, “What?”

“I asked what you wanted?” Jensen then licked the last bite mark he had left, and Cougar shuddered.

Stretching and arching his back to release some of the thrumming tension Jensen was causing, Cougar said, “I’m flexible.”

Sounding delighted, Jensen asked, “Are you?”

Cougar shrugged, but also nodded, lost in sensation again as Jensen turned his attentions to his other leg.

Jensen started mumbling words against his skin. “I’m flexible too. While the thought of fucking you is enticing,” and here Jensen slid one hand to squeeze his ass, “I’ve mostly been fantasizing about you fucking me.” He began nuzzling Cougar’s cock and balls with his nose, and then licked around the base.

Finding his voice, Cougar gasped out, “How long?”

“Years, Cougs, simply years. It was purely sexual at first. You’re a hot guy, and you know how to work it, but then feelings developed, and I just wanted to be taken by you.”

Cougar overwhelmed by what Jensen was saying, grabbed Jensen by the armpits, and pulled and twisted them, so that Jensen was further up the bed, and Cougar was now straddling him. He beamed down at Jensen, who looked a little dazed and a lot turned on, and said, “Let’s make that happen, hmm?”

“Fuck, yes.”

Cougar began his own exploration of Jensen’s body. Licking across his nipples, and stroking his hips, Cougar slowly made his way down to Jensen’s cock. He didn’t toy with Jensen, just sucked gently and bobbed his head, getting a feel for how nicely Jensen’s cock filled his mouth. Jensen was chanting a litany of “Fuck,” and eventually twisted his arm under the pillow, and apparently having found the lube, began tapping Cougar on the shoulder with it.

Cougar pulled off with a wet, slick sound, and asked, “Too much?”

“Fuck, yes. Or not enough. You need to be in me now, oh my god.”

Cougar, feeling his own cock twitch at Jensen’s husky words, just nodded, and took the lube. Slicking his fingers, he asked, “Do you want to roll over?”

“No, I like looking at your face. Besides, flexible, remember?” Jensen then spread his legs wide and tilted his ass up for Cougar’s questing fingers. Jensen was a delight to watch. He undulated and arched as Cougar worked up to three fingers inside him, all the while providing a running commentary on how good Cougar was making him feel.

Finally, Jensen began tapping Cougar on the shoulder with a condom, pulled from under the same pillow. Cougar wanted to ask about Jensen’s readiness for sex, if there had been something or someone he wasn’t mentioning, but didn’t. The past wasn’t his business, the future was. So Cougar took the hint, and pulled out his fingers, accompanied by Jensen’s mournful whine, and rolled on the condom.

Jensen hooked one knee over Cougar’s shoulder and wrapped the other loosely around Cougar’s hip, as Cougar lined them up and slid in smoothly. He couldn’t stop his own moan of pleasure at the tight feel of Jensen around him. His noise joined with Jensen’s groan, and their combined noises sounded obscenely good to Cougar.

Worked up and on the edge, Cougar didn’t let Jensen relax too much. He started off slow and easy, but built up to a furious pace, which had Jensen moaning continuously and wrapping his hands around the headboard to keep them from sliding up.

Feeling his orgasm building in his balls and belly, Cougar wrapped one arm around Jensen’s leg that was over his shoulder to stabilize them, and used the other to start stripping Jensen’s cock fast and tight.

It was all over then. Cougar could feel Jensen start to shake apart under him, and as Jensen came, his ass tightened around Cougar, pulling his orgasm from him in a sudden rush. As his climax went through him, draining him utterly, he held tighter to Jensen to remain upright. 

Cougar was still gathering his wits, when Jensen started talking again. He would smile fondly at Jensen if only he didn’t still feel all disjointed and hazy. Jensen was saying, “Oh my god, that was amazing. I’m still in shock, kind of. I realized that I always imagined us as Joey and Chandler, but we’ve actually been Chandler and Monica! Sometimes I imagined we were star-crossed like Ross and Rachel, but I never imagined we could be Chandler and Monica. That’s so cool.”

Jensen’s words sinking in, as he pulled out carefully, Cougar looked at Jensen in confusion. Noticing the look on his face, Jensen said, “Oh, come on! You can’t tell me you never watched Friends?”

Cougar shrugged. He vaguely knew it was a TV show from the nineties, but that was it. His family watched telenovas mostly, and by then he had been in the service.

Holding the spent condom, he looked around the room, but didn’t see a trash can. Jensen, seeing his dilemma, took it from him with a grimace, and tied off the top and then just threw it on the floor with a shrug. He found his t-shirt and wiped off his stomach, and then fell back to stretch. Cougar shifted around him, and lay down too. Jensen threw his arm around Cougar, and said, “So let me tell you the story about five friends living in New York City…”

As Jensen mumbled about his TV show, Cougar snuggled close, and let his eyes fall shut. To the soothing sound of Jensen’s voice, he tumbled into sleep.

* * *

It was two years before Cougar could get a transfer to New York City, but he and Jensen made it work. It was hard being separated, but they both put in the effort to remain a priority to each other, and they came out closer than ever. Once Cougar got the transfer, they took a two week vacation, spending one week with Jensen’s sister and niece, and the other with Cougar’s family.

Cougar watched as Jensen chattered away with his mama, making her laugh. This visit, his first since he left in a huff over two years ago, was going better than he had expected, and it was all due to Jensen. Cougar was still a silent bastard, but it was less obvious as Jensen filled the silences and interpreted Cougar’s facial expressions for his parents. Jensen made it seem like Cougar was involved in the conversations, instead of quietly watching from afar.

Cougar’s mama in particular had taken a shine to Jensen. Cougar was secretly pleased that they got along. He had been worried, both about the male thing, and about Jensen’s nonstop chatter. His family was more reserved, and he hadn’t been sure Jensen would fit in.

But Jensen worked his magic, and wormed his way firmly into his mama’s heart.

Cougar’s papa settled next to him, offering him a cold beer. Cougar raised an eyebrow, but took the beer as a peace offering. Silently they both turned to watch Jensen make a fool out of himself to make Cougar’s mama laugh. In a reflective tone, Cougar’s papa said, “I wasn’t sure what to expect when you said you were dating one of your special forces buddies. I imagined someone more, well, more like you.”

Cougar shrugged. He knew what his papa wasn’t saying. More damaged, more reserved, more quiet. More of everything his papa hated, essentially. He took a drag of his beer to get the sour taste out of his mouth.

“I’m glad you have him. He brings life to you. Your mama had been worried about you.” Slanting a glance at his papa, Cougar quirked an eyebrow at him. His papa huffed out a sound, and continued, “I was worried too.”

Cougar, well aware of his shortcomings according to his family, said, “I haven’t changed.”

Cougar’s papa clapped him on the shoulder and stood up. “If you believe that, then you’re dumber than I thought.”

Cougar looked back over at Jensen. He hadn’t changed not really, but maybe Jensen had always brought out the best in him. Maybe part of the problem when he stayed with his parents last time was that he had been here without Jensen. He had known something was wrong, but _was_ too dumb to realize it was that Jensen was missing from his side. Well damn, he agreed with his papa, Jensen made him a better man. 

Smiling at his papa who was watching him from across the room, he nodded at him, and Cougar’s papa snorted a laugh back at him. Cougar rolled his eyes, and then made his way over to Jensen and his mama. Jensen turned to him with a wide grin, and Cougar never able to resist that smile, grinned back, and wrapped his arms around Jensen’s waist. His mama beamed at them, which almost made Cougar blush. He smiled back, and she patted his arm. A final piece of his heart that he hadn’t know was amiss, fell into place.


End file.
